Last week there was a morning so hot and quiet I could hear baby birds in trees quite a ways away complaining for food. The sound, like the air, was so close and surreal. It seemed like time wasn’t moving. The very next day it was in the 40’s at night and I had to get an extra blanket for my freezing toes. Autumn was upon us like a chilly tiger. I’m just not acclimated to this sudden, reasonable weather where you wear sweaters yet, so my body feels a little stunned and clumsy. It's just part of the deal. The plants on the writing porch have stopped growing for the most part and I feel a little sad that summer doesn’t seem like it will go long this year. I’m not usually a summer person, but there is something about this one I was comfortable in. I think it’s that I traveled too much and did not get enough time at home.
Now that I am here I’m working hard on artwork for tour with lots of deadlines. I do really enjoy this part, but my studio is a mess so I’m not quite comfortable enough to get lost in it like I’d like to. Virgo ADHD at its peak. As I also said in my paid post the general media and social media exploitation/tabloid vibe has me quite down. I am leaving Instagram for good soon (next week likely) and handing my account over to my record company to keep updates and tour info coming, but I just can’t look at it anymore. It’s fucking garbage that is actualy abuse at this point. Left AND right wing sensationalist garbage. I see so few posts from the people I actually follow anymore as the algorithm floods my feed with the poison. The final straw was some bullshit account, that I don’t follow, praising Mike Tyson and giving him a platform to wax poetic about his “journey” and he came out the other side triumphant. FUCK. THAT. There was zero accountability and instead of “Rapist” or “Abuser of women and men” he referred to himself thus; “I have been the villain…” How romantic, movie star. Rape culture has never screamed so loud in my face before. And as my body commands, I am now louder as I scream back, even if no one hears me. It's beyond dehumanizing and exhausting. I am a fighter to my detriment sometimes, but at least I don’t do nothing and I actually care about all the victims of sexual violence, including myself. It took a long time and I’m not going back, not to hating myself, and not to Instagram. The victims of sexual violence’s lives are more important than the reputation of sports celebrities or politicians. UGH!
It’s not a hard decision, I have been wanting to leave for a long while, but I will miss very much the friends I made via Twitter long ago who migrated to Instagram as I did when Twitter became a cesspool. I hope they come find me here, as I will try to find them elsewhere. If not that's ok too, but I can’t lie, I will mourn what was nice about that kind of social media for a while. I followed brilliant people who taught me so much about social justice, my own racism and prejudices, and how to open my perspective further. It’s funny to say that here as those are the opposite forces of what it has all become. I became a better person because of social media. It seems strange to say it but it’s true.
What will you do to make yourselves more whole again post social media? (It isn't growing anymore, just eating itself and us) How do you re-ground? What are your new outlets? I’d love to hear your examples. XO.
This is me, guarding my heart.
One thing I forgot to mention was it's gonna be a little odd, and probably lonely as I am very rural and social media was how I felt "community" a lot of the time. I'm anxious to hear from other folks of a rural bent as well on how it might be going for them if they have been off it for a while.
I want to thank you all so much for your thoughtful and heartfelt responses. THIS is why I am here. XO