HOW DOES MUSIC FEEL TODAY FIRSTHAND? Raw.

As a person who writes, records, and produces music, as well as much of the art for packaging that goes with the music, I am overly busy. And all that is just for ONE of the bands I’m in. I haven’t put a new studio record out since 2018. That is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be because A) it’s what my income is based on, and B) music streaming has taken my income from that source back to a negligible amount, and C) it’s just not natural to go this long without at least starting a record.

Since the pandemic began I have been trying to not let the bottom fall out. Trying not to lose my house, my ManFriend, my practice/workspace, or the horses, or my mind. I’ve been trying not to lose my opportunities. Thank YOU for coming out to see my bands play this last year and supporting live music in general. SO many people, so many of your neighbors, if not you, yourself, rely on touring bands for income. Wonderful people who I am privileged to count as my support system as well as friends who are so worth it. YOU keep us going. 

The tours have stabilized my mind a little, given me a space to take one or two breaths, and also they have reminded me of who I am, originally, at the core: a musician. I am so proud of that. I am proud to share my friends and colleagues with you because I believe in them with my whole heart. I get to see you, the for real audience in real life. I truly love it. You are so adored. I hope you can feel it. 

Since the pandemic started I have become many other things, some out of desperation, some for love: a writer, composer, a contractor, a gambler, an actor (for two seconds), an interior designer (don’t ask), a duped sucker (hence the contractor), paranoid, accepting, overly cautious, an activist, more loving (I think?) and finally, more present. I never want to hear the word “hustle” again unless you’re talking about that song with the ballsy disco flute section. It’s all just straight-up survival. 

I have to say, feeling raw feels a little better than feeling catatonically afraid, which so many of us have felt over the last seven years. I am grateful to have transitioned into raw, believe me! I’m hoping maybe I will feel more myself when the projects that are too liquid to talk about yet can finally come to light. Mostly, I can’t wait to make a record again. This is not meant to be a cry for help or a scathing bitch session; it just is. I know SO many musicians feel this way. Not many record labels are giving out recording advances to speak of anymore a la’ the streaming crash, so a lot of people are kinda hamstrung. I feel it hard. 

The horizon is starting to look a little less scary? I’m having a hard time feeling hopeful though. I’ve never been a superstitious person but I am scared to feel hope. I’m scared I’ll break it. I know this is not a rational idea, it just feels good to say it out loud to real people I value, you know? 

How do you guys drum up hope?

I was New Romantic before it was cool.