I DREAM OF BEARS

 The other night I dreamt something awful, long and drawn out and awful, but then, off in the distance, I saw a bear. She was out walking across a field at a regular, unhurried pace. She was the boss of everything; a kindness. She wiped the screen of my dream from left to right with her confident, formidable body, and suddenly the “awful” was gone. I could not remember it. I still can’t. 

It is now summer and summer isn’t kidding! It’s been as hot the last three days as I can remember. No one in the house is hungry and we all lay panting in front of the fan. The cats sleep stretched out at their longest and look like little flying Supermans. I like the hotness in the evening despite the occasional discomfort. Right now it’s 5:30 am and I’m on the writing porch with the flowers and the air is mercifully cool. The bullfrogs are slowing down their sonic battle from last night. They sound like their batteries are running down. The sun is just peeking up over the trees. The flowers glow in all their colors. The first bees are coming to work. This is peace.

The birds are still diving at my car as I drive these days and it’s really offputting. Has it always been this crazy? Yesterday I almost obliterated a cardinal but I just drove over it without hitting it, thank god… I saw it in my rearview still looking for bugs in the road as if nothing had happened. Does the heat of the road attract more bugs? The birds seemed more daredevil than usual. It was 101 in town, the roads were sizzling. Coco and I were too hot to go to the creek which is really saying something. I think we are meant to submit to the heat to a degree. It forces us to rest a little. Even the beavers are scarce. Their pond is low about a foot and a half which has me a little worried. I’d think they had moved on if not for the birch log they whittle away at each night. Maybe they are just coming out later? All our routines are ever shifting.

Last week I was Substack-AWOL because I was working hard on making things for a photoshoot. It was a week-long intensive with a couple friends. We made ideas and sewed them together like crazy. It was so nice to work with two other creative people in a little hive-mind situation. I let it shut out all else as it was intensely physical and all consuming. I feel so rewarded at the end but I did miss writing last week. I thought I could do it all. Nope. And that’s ok. Thank you for your gracious patience with me. It’s an intense time creatively, and a really intense time in all our lives. Thank goodness for the bear walking into my dream. She made me look at what might be missing? It’s my spirituality, I think. I haven’t connected with it in some time. I haven’t sat in it. “Spirituallity” is not a word I could use for most of my life applied to myself. Christianity ruined it for me, as did other religions. Realizing I even had spirituality was a great homecoming for me. I believe in no gods, just nature. I believe in and revere its incredible power. I believe in this earth and all the creatures and my/our connection to them. I have to say it’s a little lonely here. I hope more people come to love it too. Or even just to notice it at all. So I sit in it, hoping. 

June has been a time of spiders. The small ones. They seem very bold lately and I see them everywhere. I like them very much. Spiders have so much character. Yesterday I got into my car after a particularly challenging session at the gym. The heat index was just too much. The temperature said “104” on my dashboard. I felt a movement in my armpit. I raised my arm to look. At first I thought it might be a tick but I was shocked to see a little brown spider. It looked very proprietary, like it was homesteading in there. “You can live in my car,” I said. “But not in my armpit, buddy.” It dropped down between the seats and scurried off. That was one for the books! Spiders are drawing me back into spirituality little by little and I am grateful. Thank you, spiders. Thank you, bears.

Super-Marcia flying.