My last post was about a perfect morning. It really was great! Thirty minutes after I wrote it, I got in my truck to head into town for some tour practice. Funny, it was a little lurchy and didn’t want to go into reverse. I turned it off. When I restarted it it seemed fine. I got it to the bottom of my impossible driveway and about three miles down the road when the high revving whine began. My poor put-upon truck decided it was not going to go over 12 miles an hour. Luckily, I was nearing the top of the hill and the downward momentum convinced it to shift and I could maintain about 33 MPH.
Well, I guess this was going to be the slowest limp into town possible save going on foot. I knew my transmission was screaming “I’M FUCKING DONE, OK?” I found a pull-off with actual cell phone reception and called ManFriendJeff for a rescue. Fifteen minutes later, there he was in his octogenarian Subaru, bless him! (He even brought me a coffee!) It was very obvious what the problem was and he figured I might be able to get it all the way into a shop if we put in some transmission fluid. Luckily he was right and two quarts got me there. Thirty minutes later, the mechanic called to tell me what I already knew – the transmission had quit me and my truck. “$8,550”. (I guess I’ll have to get back to him after I’ve stopped barfing internally.)
My excellent morning had really taken a turn. It was strange though, I was calm. Resigned. “Fuck it.” There was nothing to be done.
I thought about the many emergencies and non-emergencies I have remained calm for. I have no idea where I got this ability. I’m the guy who calls AAA and gets the hotels and cleans up the shit when it hits the fan. How?! I can’t handle a wet sponge left on the counter! Tiny things make me insane! If you put the bread away wrong on the wrong day I might cry. Peeves that have gotten me called things like “high strung” as well as some less-nice adjectives. I can’t argue with them, and I do work very hard not to let the monster out. But man, if I’m over-tired it can be a real struggle not to go full-toddler. Hahaha!
That is an aspect of my personal humanity that I am not proud of, but it’s real. There’s a kid in there and a monster. I am painting myself a little more cartoon-y than I might actually be, but our perspectives on ourselves are likely always a bit distorted. (I can’t see myself! I’m INSIDE myself! Hahahaha!) And this is where I bring it back to what I said in my last post about feeling like I’m “not connecting” sometimes when I go out in The Lung… I have no doubt it was what kept my feet planted when the mechanic spoke the obscene number into my ear. I DID connect, even if it didn’t seem like a scene in a movie where profound waves of inspiring crapola wash over me and I am flushed and anew. It was just a calm connection. It just filtered some toxicity with its green needles.
Greenspaces have great power. To all of you living in cities, if you don’t already, love those parks up! They will love you back. I love going to parks at unpopular times like when it’s raining. They look relaxed without so many people. There are tiny parks too. It’s really fun to go look for them. They are there waiting for you, and they already love you :)
What are you too hard on yourself for? What is an aspect of your personality that surprises you? What does your perfect morning look like?
Just some ice shards for you…
Welcome to the Club Transmission, Neko! Recently had to plop a new one in my 2005 Trailblazer. Not as costly, but provided me plenty of let's just say, internal dry heaving. Seeing as my vehicle also serves as my current home, at least a nice, purring transmission underfoot provides a secure feeling while driving my rolling b & b...
I'm too hard on myself for not in my adult life having found a deep, interpersonal love. A LOTTA unrequited heartbreak and heartache. Sometimes the gal no doubt even knew I existed, the times I had remained unexpressing. Hell of a thing to become long accustomed to. You're not an exclusive member, but ya are a member in probably the biggest club on Earth. But man, what dues...
A surprising personality aspect would be a capacity for tolerance of others. I can be pretty damn hyper critical of some folks. One real world-class moaner and groaner.
My perfect mornings waking in a darn, decent refreshed mood, for a change. Add to that, early horizon orange and red infused clouds.
Yeah. That kid and that monster also reside within me and fuck do they show up when least called for. Sorry about your truck, Neko. That really bites.