NUMB LEGS
Here I am, the day after Halloween, my legs numb and bladder bursting with pee. I’m trying to rally myself to get the sleeping dogs off me, but they look so content. I’m waiting for something to happen to me. Some good news to come in. Something to change in a way that seems like actual change.
I have been writing for a book and a record nonstop for the better part of a year now. I wonder what it would look like if I could see it all in one place. Would I feel accomplished? Would it seem like change happened? Or will it just seem like some mountain range of memories stuffed into a little paperback? I don’t know what to hope for, even to ready myself for disappointment. It’s a mystery that seems looming and nagging at the same time. A giant recess cop shrieking across the playground.
The goal is blurry, the goal moves, the goal is a predator. And November is hunting season.
I have always been afraid of November. The ennui of post-Halloween, the vile patriotism of Thanksgiving disguised as a Christian family holiday of gratitude? Nope! It was all too dark until I discovered larch season here in the Northeast. Now it is story season, fairy tale season. Writing season. I commit. Have you ever changed a season to what you needed it to be?
The future:
November is horrible in Finland…the darkness sucks the life out of you (in Finnish it’s ”Marraskuu” and it literally translates to ”death moon” 😅). I wish for snow and I always stress if we don’t get it early (and I stress about the climate change and if it takes the snow away for good and we get a November that lasts until late March 😱) when the snow arrives I’m fine (I love winter!)
This year I try to think more positively about November…burn candles, read books, knit socks, burn more candles….
Can’t wait for your new record and book, wow!
November 8th is a Taurus Lunar Eclipse. From what Juliana MvCarthy tells me:
"We can prepare for significant surprises and shake-ups on a day that coincides with the Midterm Elections in the United States. On a personal level, we’re stepping into entirely new versions of ourselves. But first, we can face our obstacles head-on—examining any stuckness, triggers, and unhealthy patterns of attachment. We’re ready to finally shed old skin and experience radical release and liberation."
Sounds promising.