THE DAMNING LISTS

Can You Hear My Vagina?

I am about to go off about something I find infuriating. At first glance it may seem petty but it’s actually a big deal. It has long term effects and keeps women as “other.” Obviously, it’s not important in our world right this second as the genocide rages. The big picture dominates. It’s just a component that keeps people separate and lesser in the realm of basic human joy and communication. It’s fucked up and I can’t be quiet about it. It may get a bit ranty and my very salient points may float in a bit of a soup with some vitriol and sincere confusion. So be it.

About three days ago I hit a wall. If you have been following this newsletter (or whatever you wanna call it…) you’d know I have been deep in a couple heavy (for me anyway) songwriting projects. They are very difficult and also rewarding and both come with waves of self doubt and fatigue in addition to the joy, the belly laughs and creative highs. The spilt of highs and lows, which I have studied closely in my long experience, should look like about 2/3rd’s creative high, and one third struggle. Both parts are elemental to the sum. They can’t exist without each other. They make up the ingredients of the creative loaf you are patting together with your dirty little hands. 

Hitting a wall is not to be breezed past. It’s a very real warning that you must at least pause. It’s a rock thrown up from another car’s tire that cracks your windshield and scares the crap out of you, if only for a second. The rock in my windshield came from (where else?) social media, about five days ago. The crack let in the bulb-warmed filet-o-fish feeling of unmistakable depression. I was genuinely afraid. I work very hard not to let it in and it’s especially hard in this time of horrifying slaughter. It started to drain my will to make things in a very real way. The rock was an Instagram post by Brandi Carlile congratulating Joni Mitchell for being the “#1 Best Female Songwriter” on the American Songwriter Magazine’s “Best Female Songwriters of all Time” list. First of all, OF COURSE Joni belongs on that list! Second, no women of color are on that list. Are you fucking HIGH? And no, it’s not a valid excuse that this was decided by “reader’s votes”. Third, WHAT THE FUCK!? Why would anyone divide songwriters into groups of either penises or vaginas? Kindergartners know more about gender, and that is not a dig, they actually DO. They need to be consulted! American Songwriter, in one glib sweep alienates all gender fluid, non-binary and trans songwriters who never make ANY of these stupid lists for openly being themselves. It hurts. And the extra stupid part is it just doesn’t need to. And in that same swoop, American Songwriter also put women, whether they meant to or not, back in their place once again; second to men. Good ol’ screamin’ second as usual. Men are the main event, and will dominate their own Hall-of-Gods unchanging lists yet again. Not only is it harmful, it’s so fucking boring I wan’t to shake the list-makers cages until they see stars. As if you can’t be as creative if you aren't male!? As if there isn’t room for more creativity!? I’ve got PCP grade estrogen burning a hole in my utes that says otherwise and it is not to be fucked with. 

What my body knows is A. Don’t use exclusion as a tool to lift people up or set them apart. That’s for country clubs, sports, the Masons and Jim Crow. NOT humans making music and other creative things. B. Ranking is not a scale of measurement applicable in this music loving universe I know, eyes closed, in the pitch black with my whole heart. Unless you are specifically answering the question “who sold the most _______?” The “rank” is not needed or useful and music would be better off without it. Don’t get me wrong, “winning” things isn’t bad. But what if you aren’t competing in the first place? The lists put you in a race you never entered. It’s uncomfortable! The lists and the ranking place a sports mentality on art which it’s way too big for. There is always room for more here! Lists insinuate a false sense of scarcity and separateness which just isn’t real. It’s bad enough that Joni Mitchell isn’t on a list with songwriters of all genders but that even when this pantheon of greatness is established there must still be a hierarchy. All skills are different and applicable and NEEDED. Lists aren’t bad, but ranking is, especially the ranking of women and I don’t need to tell you why. Why can’t there be a list of “Songwriters We Are Really Loving?” “Unusual Songwriters?” “Songwriters Who are Also Sea Captains,”etc? Think of how creative and inclusive the lists could become if someone ventured off the front porch for once! And finally C. ALL humans, together, yes, even ones with vaginas, have been making music since we were able to croak out a sound. It's how we literally communicate as a species! The only thing “new” in regards to women writing songs is people who aren’t thinking hard enough putting them in little corrals with other humans with vaginas. Which, I’m not sorry, has fuck-all to do with songwriting and EVERYTHING to do with prejudice and control.

So why are people clinging to this stuff? It’s not just American Songwriter who “lists,” obviously (No offense, AS)… Rolling Stone, most guitar mags and even people at NPR, a place I thought might be above this BS still do it. I don’t dislike American Songwriter or Rolling Stone, and I consider NPR a friend in the industry. I even asked a person there “WTF?” They tried to explain it away as “just some fun!” Which got a hard “nope” from me. My theory is certain kinds of people feel validated when their personally safe, obvious choices go unchallenged time and time and time again. They want to be “the expert,” but how does that square with just loving something? Status Quo. As long as The Beatles are the greatest band on Earth and Bob Dylan the greatest songwriter and Jimi Hendrix the best guitar player their worlds are safe. They buy the magazines after all… Do they? What about the rest of us? What about those of us using our labia to hold our pens (not as easy as it sounds)? What about the people who want to learn about and hear new music and love Joni Mitchell in all her magnificence? What about the differently gendered FANS as well as musicians who wish they could see themselves on ANY list? What about those of us whose hearts and minds are big enough for all of it and don’t have to be reminded that so-and-so does or does not have a dong to appreciate them? 

Yes, we can “just ignore it.” Unless of course we are saturated with other’s prejudice and the prejudice we are taught to hold against ourselves. Fuck it. I’m being honest. I want this to end and I want to move on, so here I am, “working it out” in front of you. And of course I realize you may be thinking I’m just jealous which makes a bit of sense, but no. I’ve been on my share of women only lists and find no joy in the gulag. WOOF-WOOF-FUCK-BARK! (that felt good)