Night before last I had the most lovely and hilarious dream and you were in it. Weird coincidence/similarity to this post, I ran into you in the middle of nowhere on a green lush snow capped mountain. You showed me what “they” were feeding you. Bits of broccoli and watery egg noodles, that you threw with your toes like a chimp. I told you I was on my way to Trader Joe’s and would bring you back whatever you wanted.
I once finished a painting and had someone over to my studio to see it. Somehow they asked about my parents, and I said I wasn't close with them, that my mom was mentally ill, and my dad just wasn't a very nice person. They stopped talking and I felt a little lonely. And then I listened to an interview with you and you said something very similar, and I felt so much less alone.
I'm glad you're writing, and as difficult as making art is from a toxic soup of stuff, it is so meaningful for those of us who have holes in the same shape as your words, and need to read them.
Also, if you need to take your writing brain for a walk and see art, I have a 2-person exhibition up in Minneapolis at David Petersen Gallery, with my good friend Nyeema Morgan. It is open today and tomorrow (and up through mid-December) and we would be so thrilled and honored if you saw it!
In the lore of India, signs, marks and the timing of actions is very core to living an aware life. This includes things like when you walk through a door...and which foot you step through with first. Can get quite detailed.
Signs are called NIMITA in Sanskrit and birds are among my favorites. It's important to stay aware and reflect on what you are thinking or feeling at the moment that you see something so unusual as a hawk in a city scape or when a bright finch or cardinal lands right in front of unexpectedly, etc.
So you could try to recall your thought of that moment I would say that it is reinforced as "true" or "valid" by the bird sighting.
If no clear recall, what comes to mind for that NIMITA is "you are the lone hunter right now, it's up to you" and "keep a sharp eye; the prey is small (or maybe hard to spot?) but of great value." Happy hunting from your urban lair! ++cj
If you’re a weirdo, I’m a weirdo and I imagine most of the people in this group are too. Isn’t that one of the beauties of Substack, finding our community?
Back in 2009 (during NaNoWriMo, no less), I sat down to write about my childhood and my time spent hitchhiking and on the streets as a teenager. Mainly to get it out of my head while I could still remember details, but also to verify for myself that this shit really happened, because other parties were already changing the story to absolve themselves. Felt like I was excavating a Superfund site and it almost broke me, mentally. I was in therapy for a year, afterward, because of the toxic sludge I'd dredged up. I say all that to say: be gentle with yourself through this writing, and take breaks to give yourself space to breathe. And if some memories make you want to berate your past self, stop and give her some love instead. She was doing the best she could. She is loved. You are loved.
When you finish writing the book, you'll feel like you've written a book.
I'm looking forward to reading it. You already write beautifully, so I know your book will be just as good as your songs.
I write books for a living. If you need to bounce ideas off someone or if you're haunted by questions about how this works and what to expect next, hit me up any time.
Hi Neko. Books and Music have always been my best friends. Well except for my brother who died many years ago. I sleep with books as well. I have crazy lucid dreams as well. I am just writing to let you know I am waiting to read your book. The terror and trauma of childhood is always there lurking in the background of our lives as we sometimes struggle to move beyond it or even erase it. Haha never erased and PTSD is real in in the dark lonely times. I almost died 3 weeks ago. The dark ancestors almost got me! I am not quite ready to go. Your music is helping me to move back into health and strength and maybe many other possibilities like your book. The hawk is also a sign of strength and survival against many odds! Minnesota is a beautiful place. I am trying to find the beauty here in Texas as well as I recover. Blessed Be Neko
Some of us must experience the creative process as combat. Gains are made through internal angst and struggle and an appropriate gestation. Ideas are evaluated for relevance and how they transform and distill the artist’s sources. Many don’t make the grade. However eventually an idea is wrought into something purely personal and meaningful ready for daylight. Yeah baby.
Neko, your book will be incredibly important to me and I know I'm not the only one. The lyrics to your songs are the most beautiful poetry to me, sometimes they cut me open because you and I have been damaged in similar ways and I can tell by your words that you know what my heart feels like at the worst, and the best, times. They've kept me breathing and alive since Blacklisted, and I especially need them now during another difficult stretch of life.
I thought of you when I read Dylan Thomas again after many years
"The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer."
I think of connectedness with animal and tree and music and you always seeking for the comfort of that library, your not looking for these fan driven pump ups but nonetheless art inspires and you are an artist through and through.
Hawks circling overhead when I was a teen visiting the Northern Territory as the red earth baked and I lay watching them in awe. May your hawk be a good omen .
I’ve never written a book so I don’t know how it feels afterwards...but somehow I can relate being a little bit of afraid...I mean when I’m reading a really good book I am always a little bit of afraid finishing it because I don’t want it to end.
I love books and I would love to read a book written by you. I can understand it must very difficult but who knows what could come from it! Maybe an opening or relief for you or maybe help give someone a little bit of something they are looking for when they read it. Easy for me to say but just a little message to keep at it! And the other books on the book shelf I bet would love to share their space with yours.
Night before last I had the most lovely and hilarious dream and you were in it. Weird coincidence/similarity to this post, I ran into you in the middle of nowhere on a green lush snow capped mountain. You showed me what “they” were feeding you. Bits of broccoli and watery egg noodles, that you threw with your toes like a chimp. I told you I was on my way to Trader Joe’s and would bring you back whatever you wanted.
Hehehehe!
I once finished a painting and had someone over to my studio to see it. Somehow they asked about my parents, and I said I wasn't close with them, that my mom was mentally ill, and my dad just wasn't a very nice person. They stopped talking and I felt a little lonely. And then I listened to an interview with you and you said something very similar, and I felt so much less alone.
I'm glad you're writing, and as difficult as making art is from a toxic soup of stuff, it is so meaningful for those of us who have holes in the same shape as your words, and need to read them.
Also, if you need to take your writing brain for a walk and see art, I have a 2-person exhibition up in Minneapolis at David Petersen Gallery, with my good friend Nyeema Morgan. It is open today and tomorrow (and up through mid-December) and we would be so thrilled and honored if you saw it!
https://davidpetersengallery.com/exhibitions/between-friends/
x Mary
In the lore of India, signs, marks and the timing of actions is very core to living an aware life. This includes things like when you walk through a door...and which foot you step through with first. Can get quite detailed.
Signs are called NIMITA in Sanskrit and birds are among my favorites. It's important to stay aware and reflect on what you are thinking or feeling at the moment that you see something so unusual as a hawk in a city scape or when a bright finch or cardinal lands right in front of unexpectedly, etc.
So you could try to recall your thought of that moment I would say that it is reinforced as "true" or "valid" by the bird sighting.
If no clear recall, what comes to mind for that NIMITA is "you are the lone hunter right now, it's up to you" and "keep a sharp eye; the prey is small (or maybe hard to spot?) but of great value." Happy hunting from your urban lair! ++cj
If you’re a weirdo, I’m a weirdo and I imagine most of the people in this group are too. Isn’t that one of the beauties of Substack, finding our community?
Back in 2009 (during NaNoWriMo, no less), I sat down to write about my childhood and my time spent hitchhiking and on the streets as a teenager. Mainly to get it out of my head while I could still remember details, but also to verify for myself that this shit really happened, because other parties were already changing the story to absolve themselves. Felt like I was excavating a Superfund site and it almost broke me, mentally. I was in therapy for a year, afterward, because of the toxic sludge I'd dredged up. I say all that to say: be gentle with yourself through this writing, and take breaks to give yourself space to breathe. And if some memories make you want to berate your past self, stop and give her some love instead. She was doing the best she could. She is loved. You are loved.
When you finish writing the book, you'll feel like you've written a book.
I'm looking forward to reading it. You already write beautifully, so I know your book will be just as good as your songs.
I write books for a living. If you need to bounce ideas off someone or if you're haunted by questions about how this works and what to expect next, hit me up any time.
Hi Neko. Books and Music have always been my best friends. Well except for my brother who died many years ago. I sleep with books as well. I have crazy lucid dreams as well. I am just writing to let you know I am waiting to read your book. The terror and trauma of childhood is always there lurking in the background of our lives as we sometimes struggle to move beyond it or even erase it. Haha never erased and PTSD is real in in the dark lonely times. I almost died 3 weeks ago. The dark ancestors almost got me! I am not quite ready to go. Your music is helping me to move back into health and strength and maybe many other possibilities like your book. The hawk is also a sign of strength and survival against many odds! Minnesota is a beautiful place. I am trying to find the beauty here in Texas as well as I recover. Blessed Be Neko
Some of us must experience the creative process as combat. Gains are made through internal angst and struggle and an appropriate gestation. Ideas are evaluated for relevance and how they transform and distill the artist’s sources. Many don’t make the grade. However eventually an idea is wrought into something purely personal and meaningful ready for daylight. Yeah baby.
Neko, your book will be incredibly important to me and I know I'm not the only one. The lyrics to your songs are the most beautiful poetry to me, sometimes they cut me open because you and I have been damaged in similar ways and I can tell by your words that you know what my heart feels like at the worst, and the best, times. They've kept me breathing and alive since Blacklisted, and I especially need them now during another difficult stretch of life.
the tracks on each page are a map giving directions to our hobo hearts
I thought of you when I read Dylan Thomas again after many years
"The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer."
I think of connectedness with animal and tree and music and you always seeking for the comfort of that library, your not looking for these fan driven pump ups but nonetheless art inspires and you are an artist through and through.
Hawks circling overhead when I was a teen visiting the Northern Territory as the red earth baked and I lay watching them in awe. May your hawk be a good omen .
I love your words and music. I look forward to your book! All the best! Mike
I’ve never written a book so I don’t know how it feels afterwards...but somehow I can relate being a little bit of afraid...I mean when I’m reading a really good book I am always a little bit of afraid finishing it because I don’t want it to end.
Your book is going to be one of them.
Now go eat something!
Nothing quite like a good, depth breath if 32° air to refresh the soul and brain... ditto for a good book! Heh!
It’s not the end….like The Carpenters said…”it’s only just begun”.
I love books and I would love to read a book written by you. I can understand it must very difficult but who knows what could come from it! Maybe an opening or relief for you or maybe help give someone a little bit of something they are looking for when they read it. Easy for me to say but just a little message to keep at it! And the other books on the book shelf I bet would love to share their space with yours.