ARE WE INSANE?
Wow! What a travel day! 5:30 a.m. EST to 11 p.m. PST. I expected to get so much done on the plane, but all I managed was to finish reading a book, and that’s not so shabby! Yet, I dragged myself to baggage claim feeling like a bit of a lazy failure? WTF?! For some reason I don’t believe that if I’m awake I’m allowed to rest. Yes, I know this is super fucked up – no waking rest for a human body furiously packing, working, writing, considering, doing manual labor and feeling worn out. WHY for fuck’s sake!?!
I naturally rested as a kid. We as humans inherently KNOW how to do that shit, even many of us who were under crazy stress as children. And yes, I know capitalism, Spotify, and bootstrap “work ethic” myths warp our DNA. I know for many people it’s hard to be alone with your own mind and just space out for myriad reasons… but how can we undo it? I guess we start by noticing it? If you aren’t one for meditation (which is great and I fully endorse it, my ADHD has a hard time with it though), maybe we invent a ritual, a fun one. Maybe we have a humorous inner dialogue where we finally fire a bad manager who lives in our brains? “This is coming from the top down, my hands are tied. I’m sorry but you’re fired. Have your desk cleared out by the end of the day.” Take ourselves out for dinner after?
What do you expect your body to do that is absolutely unreasonable, but you haven’t challenged the notion of for at least 10 years or more?
“On”spelled backward is “No.”
Well, in the past TWO years of homelessness, just getting up in the morning seems to me at times totally unreasonable. The totally miserable masochist portion of my persona has these two years often had days when it says, why bother. All's miserable... But, I slap myself (what'd I say about masochism...) and cuss to get my fat ass up, get out of my car, and face the day. I wanted to check out and face no more days ever more when this new lifestyle roared my way, but I came to realize some blisses I embraced and that fueled me when having a comfy roof over my head are still present. Even if it be a car rooftop. Not all, but some. I can still listen to and be inspired by music, and keep writing, songsmithing lyrics.
Helluva lot to challenge, these days, that's fer sure. That's fer dang sure...
yes, humans are insane.
I just listened to ezra klein's interview with maryanne wolf on "deep reading." if you were reading a physical book on the plane, neko, you might have experienced it. something like mindfulness, or meditation. doesn't happen reading on screens.