There is no need for people to feel guilty for not knowing. Its not about throwing out CD's and trashing things unless thats your strong impulse. Its about people's pointed unwillingness to engage with difficult information to save themselves a MOMENT of discomfort and reflection. (I'm not talking about PTSD reactions) Its lazy and selfish and keeps the cycle of abuse moving along smoothly. It is one of the ugliest of modern human impulses.
The deification of GH is really off the charts. Moya Brennan died recently and her musical, spiritual and political legacy eclipses that of Hansards but there was no royal funeral. I don’t think the gathering of the great and the good was by accident. It’s collective denial and suppression to protect a beautified man. When we lost Sinead O Connor there was genuine shock and mourning across the globe but the music fraternity in Ireland couldn’t resist getting in their patronising jibes about her mental health. GH offhandedly said he never knew which Sinead he was going to meet when he’d run into her. A weird and hurtful thing for her family to hear from a so called friend. I had somehow airbrushed his history of grooming from my head which I guess shows how affective the patriarchal system is amongst the ‘Arts’
Thank you for speaking important truths. I was especially touched by the sentence about your Father. My son died of alcoholism at 50 years old. He’d been molested by a friends Father when he was a preteen. I didn’t find out until he was in his 40’s. Men are victims of predators too!
And yet that is what i have been doing. I don't want to listen to artists known to have groomed, abused, or (stat) raped women and girls, among other awful acts.
Thank you for speaking out, Neko. I quickly realized who you were referring to and immediately erased my own Instagram note of tribute as I had been unaware of this part of his past. You are heard.
I did this, as well. It's disturbing and it's been tough to process; people obviously don't want to believe someone they admired and spent money supporting would do something so despicable. But the truth will never not be important. Thank you, Neko.
It has been a roller coaster of guilt for not knowing. As a fan who followed him on and off, I hadn't paid much attention to his life in my day to day. But (I hope) the important part is to believe those speaking out and act accordingly.
Thank you for fearlessly speaking out. I’d never heard of this guy or his music but have seen this playbook before. I’ve lost friends for believing women who were abused by Kim Fowley and his buddy Rodney- because of their place in a scene that brought so many bands success.
You are right and righteous. I struggle with the idea of confronting people who thought highly of this fellow because I had zero proximity. So I take the “myob” or “choose your battles” approach. your words, and refusal to let it go, have me questioning my bystander-ism. And that is a gift for us from you, to be asked to look at one’s own participation in normalizing predatory behavior. It’s uncomfortable and I welcome the opportunity to question, learn, and become a better advocate. I wonder how many are like me; became massive conflict avoiders to survive as kids. Don’t rock the boaters. I don’t like it.
For years I have told my friends and various people my experience, but have never written it publicly, for the same fear everyone else has, being called a liar or being judged.
Although my story isn’t about an unsolicited physical sexual encounter with Rodney Bingenheimer, I innocently without my knowledge, played a part in a fucked up game involving him and another man.
In the 90s, I was 18 or 19 and was working on a pilot for a comedy show. I met one of the comedians who was older than me. Maybe 33. We went on a few dates. I really liked him. He seemed genuine and funny.
He had told me he knew Rodney, he was his neighbor and he lived on the next block.
Growing up in LA, you’re around celebrities all the time. I wasn’t starstruck, but i’d grown up listening to KROQ, so thought that was cool.
He also told me Rodney liked young girls and had photo albums full of pictures of nubile young women. I recall him saying Rodney particularly had a thing for Mila Jojovich. Obviously I thought that was strange, but didn’t think about it too much.
One night we went to the coach and horses and the guy I was seeing bought me quite a few drinks. I guess I looked 21 because I wasn’t carded.
On the way home, he said he wanted to stop at Pennyfeathers. He said Rodney was there and he wanted me to meet him. I was quite drunk. We stopped in and went to his table, said hello. I can’t remember much else of that moment.
As we were walking back to his place, he told me that Rodney had “really liked me” several times. I thought it was strange as I barely recall a conversation at all.
We got back to his place and after about 10 minutes he pulled his little sofa onto the balcony of the apartment. It struck me as a bit odd, but, it was a warm summer evening and thought he was being romantic. He coaxed me over onto the sofa. We made out and then he for lack of a better way of saying it, wanted to go down on me. Although it was dark, I felt a bit self conscious about being outside, but went with it. But in the distance, I noticed someone on their balcony. I told him I was sure someone was on the balcony across the way watching us. It looked like they had binoculars.
He tried to distract me and said it was nothing.
It took a while within my life for the other shoe to drop and for me to connect the dots, that basically, I think it must have been a little fucked up game between the two of them. I’m sure it was Rodney on the balcony. And the guy took me to meet him like a cat presenting a gift. Who knows if there’s photos or video of it. Possibly.
It just amazes me how absolutely fucked up men can be. Rodney has/had a reputation, but this guy seemed so kind and decent. They are good at putting on the charm in public.
I’m so sorry Jakki. Thank you for speaking up. I hope you’re ok with sharing it. I know women who Rodney SAd and saw countless times the young girls he paraded around like they were his “friends.” In the 70s tons of teenage girls, myself included, would have consensual sex with older men. It was a gross byproduct of the 60s sexual revolution. We all thought nothing of it. That held over as a norm for a long time, because men sure weren’t going to question a norm like that and women were very conditioned in so many ways, to be desirable, attractive, to be free and in charge of our bodies, to not be held to a different standard than a promiscuous man— it’s a long overlapping intertwined mashup of conditions and reasons why women played along. I don’t know exactly when the winds started to change but thankfully they did. Rodney became persona non grata at Go-Go’s shows by early 2000, after years of championing our band.
Thank you, Kathy, for coming here to share and support. I really appreciate your input, especially about the confusion, guidelessness and strife we faced as young people in our era in regards to our agency and the notion of our own bodies and sexuality. We couldn't win. XO
Thank you. ❤️ When you tell your life stories to people, it’s shocking at how many of us have at least one, but usually so many more than one story to tell of men’s inappropriate behaviour. It’s difficult when they are revered on the worlds stage so the public think they couldn’t possibly be bad people. Most women have experienced being in these situations. I’ve had numerous conversations with male friends over the years trying to explain some of the men I slept with in my early years, under pressure, because it was easier to just do it rather than feeling empowered and going through the awkwardness of saying no. The tide IS starting to turn which is wonderful. It’s taking its time. The current government’s attitudes certainly don’t help, but there’s years of unpicking that misogynistic attitude to do. It’s so refreshing to see more sensitivity in the current generation.
We’ve always known who those guys were and crossed the room to avoid them. We’ve always protected our close friends and spread the word as well as we could in hushed tones but, yeah, it’s crushing to think about whether we should have done more.
I just want to thank you for having the courage to speak up, knowing that many are too scared to do the same. I sent your writing to several people and as you mentioned, I received no response back. People are shocked and just don’t want to accept that this is the same man they think so highly of. And that if they acknowledge that this happened that they are somehow turning their backs on him as if they owe him and as you mentioned, he is not even alive to notice. But at the same time, they are not exactly supporting the issue of rights in the manner in which they believe that they have been and many may have felt proud. But somewhere in there is a very big lie and your letter is going to make many have to confront it.
But whether men speak up or not, I believe that your words are going to make a difference. Even though many men do not have the same courage as you to speak up, many of the men who read your words will now begin to question their own hearts, whether they want to or not. I think that is the power of your letter. Very few are going to be able to unread what they read. I sincerely believe that in this way, your letter is going to make a difference.
A writing mentor once told me that good or bad, you want your writing to effect people’s emotions, or they will not remember it. No one who reads your letter is going to forget it anytime soon. With your courage, you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you but your letter was not written in vain.
Thank you, Lloyd. I want to make it clear that I am also speaking about some women's reactions being defensive as well. Its been pretty even across the board. Women defend horrible men too.
Thanks Neko, I am grateful to you for taking the time to highlight this issue and share the reality with a wider audience. As a person who was groomed and later abused as an adult by a close family member, sharing these truths is so important. Thanks for the advocacy, it’s more important than ever now.
Neko, I've been thinking a lot about what you wrote the other day. My husband LOVES the music by the said late asshole you speak of and praises him for his artwork. We talk frequently about how (and if we can or should) separate the art from the horrible people who make it treating it as two different things or one whole. I personally don't believe we should because that art is also part of them. It's like saying that we love Picasso's work, but agree that he was such an asshole! Our world society CONSTANTLY does this and has done it for our remembered lifetimes. It's literally built into us from the time we start existing in this world. It's now our time to feel the dissonance and speak out, which is what you're doing.
I have also experienced being a woman in the music industry and it can be absolutely disgusting/confusing/scary, especially as a very young woman navigating adulthood, what she stands for, a musical career in an inequitable industry and her own self-respect. I remember thinking about the cost of my own self respect when presented with predatory men. This happend frequently, right out of high school. I was also sexually abused and it completely blindsided me. It happend with someone (a musician) that I trusted, loved and respected. I can't tell you how many times it could have happened more, with more men, had I not read the signs, thankfully, soon enough. I hear you and I see you.
Men who use their ART as a weapon against women are a special kind of horror. They are revered, respected and put on a pedestal only to abuse that revere and respect. Art isn't just a service. What we make literally has the ability to touch souls and someone's very sense of being. As artists we can't possibly shoulder that responsibility or control where our art goes or the effect it has once it leaves us, but, as a person, we shoulder our responsibility to be a good human to other humans and not abuse our influence and power.
I think about this a lot too. Thanks for the recommendation! I have trouble disentangling art I love from artist-revealed-to-be-dirtbag, but I think where my line is, maybe, is I can still enjoy art from long-dead dirtbags who no longer have living people harmed by them (Dickens, Byron), but not by recently-dead people whose behavior has harmed living people and whose lionization is an insult to those victims (Hansard) and certainly not by artists who are alive and kicking, enjoying their fame and fortune and using their privilege to continue being dirtbags with impunity. IDK if that’s really a good ethical standard, but it’s my working one at present.
Neko, your last post has been following me around these past few days. Thank you for speaking loudly and with incisive clarity about this man in particular, and about famous manipulators and abusers on the whole. It is a special sort of gut punch to see an influential person celebrated on a public stage while privately knowing the depth of their rot and treachery. I've been there — the Montana writing community does not lack for its own duplicitous grifters — and I suspect there are many, many others who quietly bite back the truths they know when such people are lionized. It is dangerous to come forward, especially when power is unbalanced between the perpetrator and the people they harm.
Thank you, especially, for calling out the people who excuse and enable these self-serving charmers. I think many don't understand that, in sticking with their glamoured adoration of abusive artists when truth comes to light, they are furthering the psychological harm and making accountability impossible. If they do understand it, then they are truly cowards and their ethics are a charade. My own experience has taught me what it means to be an ally and I have no hesitation in revising my opinion of people I've previously admired if they are revealed to be harmful scumbags.
Thank you for speaking out. I honestly had nooo idea about Hansard until after his passing. I enjoyed his music but barely knew a thing about him, so no hero worship here. I just assume every man who’s work I like is an asshole now, so it’s a pleasant surprise if I find out they’re not. It’s a better way to operate than just being crushed about it. The Neil Gaiman revelations caused a lot of trauma for my fellow Tori Amos fans (and for her too which makes me soooo mad), and I hate that this asshole tried shit with you. Fuck that.
It’s so BORING and stupid that these kinds of men are common as dirt, and truly a special hell that one holds the highest office and it is charge of our lives. I hate it so much.
Dear god I’m so tired of having to explain this to people but here we go.
I am not on a bandwagon.
And I never said he was a monster. I don’t call people that for a reason.
Monsters are a way to abstract humanity from people. It does no one any good. It means we aren’t looking at the very real situation; that a man can be a talented musician, good to their friends, a great dad, , donate to charity, have loving relationships, all of it….and also be shitty to women when those people aren’t looking. And patriarchy upholds their secrets, enables them, and ignores those they hurt.
YES! Exactly that. “Good” men can do terrible things. We need to get out of that kind of binary thinking, we need to stop excusing men because they’re talented, generous, funny, charming, and stop believing that having those qualities mean they can’t also be exploitative or abusive. They absolutely can and are. Far too many of them.
I don’t think good men do terrible things I think men who do bad things also do good things, and sometimes it’s a cover . A man like Hansard is not a good man , he’s a criminal , straight up.
Yes, thank you, Neko. It was devastating for me to hear the stories you told, because I was sad for you - I cried for you - but also because I am sick to death of these men getting a pass. It feels like everything is Epstein right now, and their wagons are yet circled. I know there are kind and good men out there, I’m married to one, but so many who are awful and even more who don’t say a word to defend, they just accept it, even if they’re uncomfortable. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and that it happens to so many of us (all of us?), I believe the crap out of you.
Thank you Neko, you are one of my heroes and I will stand with you any day ✊
It's absurd that even people who readily condemn our pedophile-in-chief and his ilk will rush to defend other scumbags just because they wrote a song or something. Fuck that - although if people want to tell on themselves I guess that's better than hiding it.
Fighting right along side with you Neko. So much gratitude to you because this takes a major toll. So much to say about all of this. But this needed to be out there. Silence normalizing this behavior for centuries is how they have remained in control. Time for all good men (and women) to come to the power of defense of all who have been exploited via grooming. This rings true for abortion advocacy and other things that directly effect every aspect of women’s lives.
Part of the grooming I experienced, included my abuser stopping at nothing to milk my empathy for his sad sack of a past. All manipulation! I wasn’t 12 or 13, but I was only 16. 16 y/o me couldn't bear to see what he had been through. 60 y/o me is like, what a sad sack of a human to prey on a child. Fucker.
Sharing this w/ all of my Philly music friends who didn’t believe and who continue to support the (now deceased) Dr Jeckyl/ Mr Hyde in my life. Those who didn’t believe me or turned a blind eye, or perhaps not known what happened to me and so many others there. And if we could have spoken out ??? Who could we have helped save? This is so rampant in every field, but especially of course celeb culture.—Celeb bystanders suck! Other groomers I encountered while 9as a teen) trying to pursue my darkened dream of becoming a music producer… This guy made it big! 40-some years later and (likely )countless other girls in between me and the 15 year old who in 2015 was able to get this shit-wad a minimum jail sentence and an ankle bracelet for a short window- and hopefully some shred of peace of mind.
But guess what? The bigtime beloved NJ rockstar he worked for didn't fire or cancel him. He sure as fuck shoulda’! No, instead, he tried to get him out early because he needed him on the road. So much of the info I learned in 2015 that was written about said perp has since been wiped from the web. That is double fucked. Folks if you are able. Substack the fuck out of these stories when you can.
And thank you Neko because every single person needs to BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LISTEN
Listening may be hard in the moment… but we promise you,
Not being believed is so much harder and lasts a lifetime. Believe people believe!
Ugh. As a woman in bands with men, who are really awesome dudes, the awkwardness is real when a fellow male musician is being called out.
I also remember you and Kelly Hogan on an interview show many years back being asked “Ryan Adams or Bryan Adams” and you both instantly in unison said BRYAN ADAMS without smiling or additional comment and I knew something was up and it was bad. I trusted it. I think women should do that more.
Thank you Neko - he always gave me the creeps but having been - I hesitate to use the it’d victim here but you know what I mean - I suppose my radar is high. It has been a week like no other, lionization is the perfect term. I heard a certain punk/folk female icon sent a voice memo of a lullaby. She’s seems to always be on the side of the boys in her Prada combat boots. But I digress. The only person you can truly depend on is your dog. (I’d say cat too but Rudolf Valentino my sweet feline dropped a dead chipmunk in the bed so he’s unreliable for support 🤣). Can’t wait to see you in Poughkeepsie- your Levon show was one of the best of my life, did you get my painting?
On FB Marketa has a long glowing tribute to Glen and it left me wondering about survivor bias. What does she gain by speaking out in his favor? The cognitive dissonance is alarming but also the water we swim in especially here in the US.
Aspects of Survivor bias/Trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome sometimes help us move on with our lives by minimizing the effects of the trauma with a false sense of self-empowerment.
I have spent some time working through this myself. I protected my groomer /ex-abuser from others, trying to minimize and normalize what had happened. "oh, he’s just an ex and I can be friends with an ex because I am an adult now'. Ie. I attended the wedding of my ex-abuser and even brought my partner with me. I made him get to know the said ex-abuser- so I could ostensibly feel less scarred by the nightmare with this man who groomed and then nearly killed me. I do not feel good about this now, but at least I understand the 'why' of it all.
Thanks for writing these pieces Neko. This person was a hero on the alternative music scene in this country and what has emerged is a bit sickening. Some of the allegations are around things that happened in a great bar and venue where I go all the time. Never noticed because I wasn't looking.
We all need to get a lot better at noticing these patterns of behaviour and identifying them for what they are because these guys hide in plain sight a lot of the time. Thanks for prompting us to do it.
There is no need for people to feel guilty for not knowing. Its not about throwing out CD's and trashing things unless thats your strong impulse. Its about people's pointed unwillingness to engage with difficult information to save themselves a MOMENT of discomfort and reflection. (I'm not talking about PTSD reactions) Its lazy and selfish and keeps the cycle of abuse moving along smoothly. It is one of the ugliest of modern human impulses.
The deification of GH is really off the charts. Moya Brennan died recently and her musical, spiritual and political legacy eclipses that of Hansards but there was no royal funeral. I don’t think the gathering of the great and the good was by accident. It’s collective denial and suppression to protect a beautified man. When we lost Sinead O Connor there was genuine shock and mourning across the globe but the music fraternity in Ireland couldn’t resist getting in their patronising jibes about her mental health. GH offhandedly said he never knew which Sinead he was going to meet when he’d run into her. A weird and hurtful thing for her family to hear from a so called friend. I had somehow airbrushed his history of grooming from my head which I guess shows how affective the patriarchal system is amongst the ‘Arts’
Thank you for speaking out Niko.
Greetings Neeko,
Thank you for speaking important truths. I was especially touched by the sentence about your Father. My son died of alcoholism at 50 years old. He’d been molested by a friends Father when he was a preteen. I didn’t find out until he was in his 40’s. Men are victims of predators too!
Salut, Josette King
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. The cruelty of predation spreads like wildfire and touches everyone. I feel you, Josette. xo
Appreciate your reply Neko. Glad I found you on this fascinating planet called Substack!
And yet that is what i have been doing. I don't want to listen to artists known to have groomed, abused, or (stat) raped women and girls, among other awful acts.
People don't like when I mention David Bowie. We are not even allowed to talk about it.
Shout it loud and clear!!!
Thank you for speaking out. This is the first time I am hearing this. I am sad and angry but not that surprised.
Thank you for speaking out, Neko. I quickly realized who you were referring to and immediately erased my own Instagram note of tribute as I had been unaware of this part of his past. You are heard.
I did this, as well. It's disturbing and it's been tough to process; people obviously don't want to believe someone they admired and spent money supporting would do something so despicable. But the truth will never not be important. Thank you, Neko.
It has been a roller coaster of guilt for not knowing. As a fan who followed him on and off, I hadn't paid much attention to his life in my day to day. But (I hope) the important part is to believe those speaking out and act accordingly.
Who is it?
Glen Hansard
Thank you for fearlessly speaking out. I’d never heard of this guy or his music but have seen this playbook before. I’ve lost friends for believing women who were abused by Kim Fowley and his buddy Rodney- because of their place in a scene that brought so many bands success.
You are right and righteous. I struggle with the idea of confronting people who thought highly of this fellow because I had zero proximity. So I take the “myob” or “choose your battles” approach. your words, and refusal to let it go, have me questioning my bystander-ism. And that is a gift for us from you, to be asked to look at one’s own participation in normalizing predatory behavior. It’s uncomfortable and I welcome the opportunity to question, learn, and become a better advocate. I wonder how many are like me; became massive conflict avoiders to survive as kids. Don’t rock the boaters. I don’t like it.
For years I have told my friends and various people my experience, but have never written it publicly, for the same fear everyone else has, being called a liar or being judged.
Although my story isn’t about an unsolicited physical sexual encounter with Rodney Bingenheimer, I innocently without my knowledge, played a part in a fucked up game involving him and another man.
In the 90s, I was 18 or 19 and was working on a pilot for a comedy show. I met one of the comedians who was older than me. Maybe 33. We went on a few dates. I really liked him. He seemed genuine and funny.
He had told me he knew Rodney, he was his neighbor and he lived on the next block.
Growing up in LA, you’re around celebrities all the time. I wasn’t starstruck, but i’d grown up listening to KROQ, so thought that was cool.
He also told me Rodney liked young girls and had photo albums full of pictures of nubile young women. I recall him saying Rodney particularly had a thing for Mila Jojovich. Obviously I thought that was strange, but didn’t think about it too much.
One night we went to the coach and horses and the guy I was seeing bought me quite a few drinks. I guess I looked 21 because I wasn’t carded.
On the way home, he said he wanted to stop at Pennyfeathers. He said Rodney was there and he wanted me to meet him. I was quite drunk. We stopped in and went to his table, said hello. I can’t remember much else of that moment.
As we were walking back to his place, he told me that Rodney had “really liked me” several times. I thought it was strange as I barely recall a conversation at all.
We got back to his place and after about 10 minutes he pulled his little sofa onto the balcony of the apartment. It struck me as a bit odd, but, it was a warm summer evening and thought he was being romantic. He coaxed me over onto the sofa. We made out and then he for lack of a better way of saying it, wanted to go down on me. Although it was dark, I felt a bit self conscious about being outside, but went with it. But in the distance, I noticed someone on their balcony. I told him I was sure someone was on the balcony across the way watching us. It looked like they had binoculars.
He tried to distract me and said it was nothing.
It took a while within my life for the other shoe to drop and for me to connect the dots, that basically, I think it must have been a little fucked up game between the two of them. I’m sure it was Rodney on the balcony. And the guy took me to meet him like a cat presenting a gift. Who knows if there’s photos or video of it. Possibly.
It just amazes me how absolutely fucked up men can be. Rodney has/had a reputation, but this guy seemed so kind and decent. They are good at putting on the charm in public.
Jakki, thank you for your bravery in sharing this. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You aren't alone. XO
I’m so sorry Jakki. Thank you for speaking up. I hope you’re ok with sharing it. I know women who Rodney SAd and saw countless times the young girls he paraded around like they were his “friends.” In the 70s tons of teenage girls, myself included, would have consensual sex with older men. It was a gross byproduct of the 60s sexual revolution. We all thought nothing of it. That held over as a norm for a long time, because men sure weren’t going to question a norm like that and women were very conditioned in so many ways, to be desirable, attractive, to be free and in charge of our bodies, to not be held to a different standard than a promiscuous man— it’s a long overlapping intertwined mashup of conditions and reasons why women played along. I don’t know exactly when the winds started to change but thankfully they did. Rodney became persona non grata at Go-Go’s shows by early 2000, after years of championing our band.
Thank you, Kathy, for coming here to share and support. I really appreciate your input, especially about the confusion, guidelessness and strife we faced as young people in our era in regards to our agency and the notion of our own bodies and sexuality. We couldn't win. XO
Thank you. ❤️ When you tell your life stories to people, it’s shocking at how many of us have at least one, but usually so many more than one story to tell of men’s inappropriate behaviour. It’s difficult when they are revered on the worlds stage so the public think they couldn’t possibly be bad people. Most women have experienced being in these situations. I’ve had numerous conversations with male friends over the years trying to explain some of the men I slept with in my early years, under pressure, because it was easier to just do it rather than feeling empowered and going through the awkwardness of saying no. The tide IS starting to turn which is wonderful. It’s taking its time. The current government’s attitudes certainly don’t help, but there’s years of unpicking that misogynistic attitude to do. It’s so refreshing to see more sensitivity in the current generation.
We’ve always known who those guys were and crossed the room to avoid them. We’ve always protected our close friends and spread the word as well as we could in hushed tones but, yeah, it’s crushing to think about whether we should have done more.
I just want to thank you for having the courage to speak up, knowing that many are too scared to do the same. I sent your writing to several people and as you mentioned, I received no response back. People are shocked and just don’t want to accept that this is the same man they think so highly of. And that if they acknowledge that this happened that they are somehow turning their backs on him as if they owe him and as you mentioned, he is not even alive to notice. But at the same time, they are not exactly supporting the issue of rights in the manner in which they believe that they have been and many may have felt proud. But somewhere in there is a very big lie and your letter is going to make many have to confront it.
But whether men speak up or not, I believe that your words are going to make a difference. Even though many men do not have the same courage as you to speak up, many of the men who read your words will now begin to question their own hearts, whether they want to or not. I think that is the power of your letter. Very few are going to be able to unread what they read. I sincerely believe that in this way, your letter is going to make a difference.
A writing mentor once told me that good or bad, you want your writing to effect people’s emotions, or they will not remember it. No one who reads your letter is going to forget it anytime soon. With your courage, you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you but your letter was not written in vain.
Thank you, Lloyd. I want to make it clear that I am also speaking about some women's reactions being defensive as well. Its been pretty even across the board. Women defend horrible men too.
Thanks Neko, I am grateful to you for taking the time to highlight this issue and share the reality with a wider audience. As a person who was groomed and later abused as an adult by a close family member, sharing these truths is so important. Thanks for the advocacy, it’s more important than ever now.
Neko, I've been thinking a lot about what you wrote the other day. My husband LOVES the music by the said late asshole you speak of and praises him for his artwork. We talk frequently about how (and if we can or should) separate the art from the horrible people who make it treating it as two different things or one whole. I personally don't believe we should because that art is also part of them. It's like saying that we love Picasso's work, but agree that he was such an asshole! Our world society CONSTANTLY does this and has done it for our remembered lifetimes. It's literally built into us from the time we start existing in this world. It's now our time to feel the dissonance and speak out, which is what you're doing.
I have also experienced being a woman in the music industry and it can be absolutely disgusting/confusing/scary, especially as a very young woman navigating adulthood, what she stands for, a musical career in an inequitable industry and her own self-respect. I remember thinking about the cost of my own self respect when presented with predatory men. This happend frequently, right out of high school. I was also sexually abused and it completely blindsided me. It happend with someone (a musician) that I trusted, loved and respected. I can't tell you how many times it could have happened more, with more men, had I not read the signs, thankfully, soon enough. I hear you and I see you.
Men who use their ART as a weapon against women are a special kind of horror. They are revered, respected and put on a pedestal only to abuse that revere and respect. Art isn't just a service. What we make literally has the ability to touch souls and someone's very sense of being. As artists we can't possibly shoulder that responsibility or control where our art goes or the effect it has once it leaves us, but, as a person, we shoulder our responsibility to be a good human to other humans and not abuse our influence and power.
If you haven’t read, highly suggest Monsters by Claire Dederer re: the topic of whether or not it’s possible to separate the art from the artist.
I’ve never had the ability or desire to untangle the two. To your point, it’s an abuse of power.
I think about this a lot too. Thanks for the recommendation! I have trouble disentangling art I love from artist-revealed-to-be-dirtbag, but I think where my line is, maybe, is I can still enjoy art from long-dead dirtbags who no longer have living people harmed by them (Dickens, Byron), but not by recently-dead people whose behavior has harmed living people and whose lionization is an insult to those victims (Hansard) and certainly not by artists who are alive and kicking, enjoying their fame and fortune and using their privilege to continue being dirtbags with impunity. IDK if that’s really a good ethical standard, but it’s my working one at present.
Just ordered, thanks for the tip.
Hope you enjoy it! I found it very thought provoking.
Thank you very much for sharing and I’m so sorry for what you have had to endure.
Neko, your last post has been following me around these past few days. Thank you for speaking loudly and with incisive clarity about this man in particular, and about famous manipulators and abusers on the whole. It is a special sort of gut punch to see an influential person celebrated on a public stage while privately knowing the depth of their rot and treachery. I've been there — the Montana writing community does not lack for its own duplicitous grifters — and I suspect there are many, many others who quietly bite back the truths they know when such people are lionized. It is dangerous to come forward, especially when power is unbalanced between the perpetrator and the people they harm.
Thank you, especially, for calling out the people who excuse and enable these self-serving charmers. I think many don't understand that, in sticking with their glamoured adoration of abusive artists when truth comes to light, they are furthering the psychological harm and making accountability impossible. If they do understand it, then they are truly cowards and their ethics are a charade. My own experience has taught me what it means to be an ally and I have no hesitation in revising my opinion of people I've previously admired if they are revealed to be harmful scumbags.
Thank you for speaking out. I honestly had nooo idea about Hansard until after his passing. I enjoyed his music but barely knew a thing about him, so no hero worship here. I just assume every man who’s work I like is an asshole now, so it’s a pleasant surprise if I find out they’re not. It’s a better way to operate than just being crushed about it. The Neil Gaiman revelations caused a lot of trauma for my fellow Tori Amos fans (and for her too which makes me soooo mad), and I hate that this asshole tried shit with you. Fuck that.
It’s so BORING and stupid that these kinds of men are common as dirt, and truly a special hell that one holds the highest office and it is charge of our lives. I hate it so much.
Careful which bandwagons you jump on. I've known him for a very long time and he was not a horrible serial monster.
This isn't a "bandwagon." We are talking about sexual assault. Grow the fuck up.
Dear god I’m so tired of having to explain this to people but here we go.
I am not on a bandwagon.
And I never said he was a monster. I don’t call people that for a reason.
Monsters are a way to abstract humanity from people. It does no one any good. It means we aren’t looking at the very real situation; that a man can be a talented musician, good to their friends, a great dad, , donate to charity, have loving relationships, all of it….and also be shitty to women when those people aren’t looking. And patriarchy upholds their secrets, enables them, and ignores those they hurt.
YES! Exactly that. “Good” men can do terrible things. We need to get out of that kind of binary thinking, we need to stop excusing men because they’re talented, generous, funny, charming, and stop believing that having those qualities mean they can’t also be exploitative or abusive. They absolutely can and are. Far too many of them.
I don’t think good men do terrible things I think men who do bad things also do good things, and sometimes it’s a cover . A man like Hansard is not a good man , he’s a criminal , straight up.
To you. He was not that to you. Do you acknowledge that others may have had a different experience than you?
Thank you for saying his name. I have been trying to figure who the hell we are all reading/talking about
I believe the voices that have put everything on the line, and the only grief around this person's loss is his easy ride without consequences.
I had never heard of him but in readong I see the tell tale signs of the patriarchy pulling ranks in, sorry from my heart Neko.
Yes, thank you, Neko. It was devastating for me to hear the stories you told, because I was sad for you - I cried for you - but also because I am sick to death of these men getting a pass. It feels like everything is Epstein right now, and their wagons are yet circled. I know there are kind and good men out there, I’m married to one, but so many who are awful and even more who don’t say a word to defend, they just accept it, even if they’re uncomfortable. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and that it happens to so many of us (all of us?), I believe the crap out of you.
Thank you Neko, you are one of my heroes and I will stand with you any day ✊
It's absurd that even people who readily condemn our pedophile-in-chief and his ilk will rush to defend other scumbags just because they wrote a song or something. Fuck that - although if people want to tell on themselves I guess that's better than hiding it.
Fighting right along side with you Neko. So much gratitude to you because this takes a major toll. So much to say about all of this. But this needed to be out there. Silence normalizing this behavior for centuries is how they have remained in control. Time for all good men (and women) to come to the power of defense of all who have been exploited via grooming. This rings true for abortion advocacy and other things that directly effect every aspect of women’s lives.
Part of the grooming I experienced, included my abuser stopping at nothing to milk my empathy for his sad sack of a past. All manipulation! I wasn’t 12 or 13, but I was only 16. 16 y/o me couldn't bear to see what he had been through. 60 y/o me is like, what a sad sack of a human to prey on a child. Fucker.
Sharing this w/ all of my Philly music friends who didn’t believe and who continue to support the (now deceased) Dr Jeckyl/ Mr Hyde in my life. Those who didn’t believe me or turned a blind eye, or perhaps not known what happened to me and so many others there. And if we could have spoken out ??? Who could we have helped save? This is so rampant in every field, but especially of course celeb culture.—Celeb bystanders suck! Other groomers I encountered while 9as a teen) trying to pursue my darkened dream of becoming a music producer… This guy made it big! 40-some years later and (likely )countless other girls in between me and the 15 year old who in 2015 was able to get this shit-wad a minimum jail sentence and an ankle bracelet for a short window- and hopefully some shred of peace of mind.
But guess what? The bigtime beloved NJ rockstar he worked for didn't fire or cancel him. He sure as fuck shoulda’! No, instead, he tried to get him out early because he needed him on the road. So much of the info I learned in 2015 that was written about said perp has since been wiped from the web. That is double fucked. Folks if you are able. Substack the fuck out of these stories when you can.
And thank you Neko because every single person needs to BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LISTEN
Listening may be hard in the moment… but we promise you,
Not being believed is so much harder and lasts a lifetime. Believe people believe!
Ugh. As a woman in bands with men, who are really awesome dudes, the awkwardness is real when a fellow male musician is being called out.
I also remember you and Kelly Hogan on an interview show many years back being asked “Ryan Adams or Bryan Adams” and you both instantly in unison said BRYAN ADAMS without smiling or additional comment and I knew something was up and it was bad. I trusted it. I think women should do that more.
What? This is confusing. Ryan Adam’s has multiple charges of sexual assault against him. There was a large write up in Rolling Stone about it. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/ryan-adams-accused-of-sexual-misconduct-emotional-abuse-by-seven-women-794117/
Confusing? Not when you know the dates I’m talking about. No need to play one uppy.
Thank you Neko - he always gave me the creeps but having been - I hesitate to use the it’d victim here but you know what I mean - I suppose my radar is high. It has been a week like no other, lionization is the perfect term. I heard a certain punk/folk female icon sent a voice memo of a lullaby. She’s seems to always be on the side of the boys in her Prada combat boots. But I digress. The only person you can truly depend on is your dog. (I’d say cat too but Rudolf Valentino my sweet feline dropped a dead chipmunk in the bed so he’s unreliable for support 🤣). Can’t wait to see you in Poughkeepsie- your Levon show was one of the best of my life, did you get my painting?
Hearing about the voice memo from someone I love was really disappointing and sad.
I presume the lullaby was for the small child whose father just died…
Thank you Neko.
On FB Marketa has a long glowing tribute to Glen and it left me wondering about survivor bias. What does she gain by speaking out in his favor? The cognitive dissonance is alarming but also the water we swim in especially here in the US.
Aspects of Survivor bias/Trauma bonding/Stockholm Syndrome sometimes help us move on with our lives by minimizing the effects of the trauma with a false sense of self-empowerment.
I have spent some time working through this myself. I protected my groomer /ex-abuser from others, trying to minimize and normalize what had happened. "oh, he’s just an ex and I can be friends with an ex because I am an adult now'. Ie. I attended the wedding of my ex-abuser and even brought my partner with me. I made him get to know the said ex-abuser- so I could ostensibly feel less scarred by the nightmare with this man who groomed and then nearly killed me. I do not feel good about this now, but at least I understand the 'why' of it all.
Thanks for writing these pieces Neko. This person was a hero on the alternative music scene in this country and what has emerged is a bit sickening. Some of the allegations are around things that happened in a great bar and venue where I go all the time. Never noticed because I wasn't looking.
We all need to get a lot better at noticing these patterns of behaviour and identifying them for what they are because these guys hide in plain sight a lot of the time. Thanks for prompting us to do it.