I share your anger and am loud about reproductive justice whenever and wherever I can be. I’m very sorry you’re suffering. Last year I had surgery to find and remove a “lost” IUD (it had travelled right through the uterine wall and was embedded somewhere in my pelvis). It was a laparoscopic surgery and I hope yours will be similarly non-invasive, and similarly successful. The recovery wasn’t quite as easy I expected (thought I would be able to go running the next day) but it was still not bad at all. I too am a fan of IUDs and despite the perforation still give mine 10/10. Wishing you the best ❤️❤️❤️
I have worked in women’s healthcare for 16 years, so I see this every day (not the rogue IUD arms, but the bullshit women deal with in this system). It is so hard not to be mad ALL THE TIME! I currently work in gyn oncology, and watching these amazing women have to make decisions whether to treat based on insurance coverage or costs drives me through the roof! Nothing will ever convince me that women are getting a fair and equal deal in this healthcare racket (lots of proof that we don’t!). I can tell you that taking care of women is what drives me to get out of bed and get in that clinic, where they are trying to wear us all down. I will stand with you and all the other women out there, and promise to always advocate for quality, affordable, and equal treatment. I hate “the system” with pure fury! Thanks for sharing your experience, and happy freaking birthday 🎂 I hope you know how much people love you.
I share in your anger. GENTLEMEN--from someone who has been in far too close of proximity to miscarriage and abortion--you never want your partner to go through either of these experiences. Do your partner a solid in this foul year of somebody’s lord--give your balls a tug, and snip-snip. Easier than getting a wisdom tooth pulled and recovery is very minimal. Man-up!
I'm afraid I am entering a mine field by even responding while being male, but I just wanted you to know that I agree with you 100%. Insurance should cover all of it, no questions. (Of course there should be universal health care for all, but that's another problem) I hate that you have to go through this. This is definitely an area where society needs a serious re-direct, but sadly, while old white men are in charge it's not likely to happen in this country. I am not going to try to defend men by saying "some men are willing to get a vasectomy", because I know that those who are willing are in a minority. That said, when my wife and I started getting serious, and discussed our mutual decision not to have children, I knew that the simplest, best thing was for me to get snipped. I wish more men could take responsibility and spare their female partner the distress that most female contraceptive options cause. I hope your situation resolves quickly, and with as little additional pain and distress as possible.
Thank you for this Neko, although Im sorry your birthday has been marred by the difficulties. The inescapable fact that women bear the hardship of not getting pregnant and getting pregnant while being outlawed to use all available methods to deal with unwanted pregnancies, while vasectomies are cheap, easy and reversible, while not only hormones but post natal depression and women’s depression in general is the least researched (and very nearly not researched at all) and on and on (like this sentence) is nothing but rage fodder. Love to you.
Sending you so much love today and always! Healthcare ‘advances’ for people w/ uteruses is shameful and what we have had to endure for decades is primitive. Dammit to hell and the P.I.L. soundtrack today is the fucking anthem for all of us right now... Sending you healing vibes w/ an extra dose of raspberry leaf to help it along. Never forget you do come from that don’t fuck w/ me stock and we got you! Xoxox
I defeated an IUD on my way into the world, but that was about 52 years ago. I think I just slipped by quietly like a thief rather than kung fu fighting with it. It sounds like cutting off part of it means two more sharper parts grow back in that place - ouch. I commented to someone going through a similar probing and scoping and scooping a few years back that "this too, shall pass, through you". Sorry I can't help.
Earlier today I read a piece about a woman’s experience with infertility. And her story juxtaposed with yours - the comments on her piece juxtaposed to those shared here - is such a stark and depressing reminder that it doesn’t matter wether you opt for an IUD or IVF: your decisions and your pain will be questioned, belittled, and dismissed. Both are decisions we make for our ultimate happiness yet both come with so much judgement, hurt, and anger.
I had a tubal ligation six years ago and it was one of the best, most freeing decisions I’ve ever made for myself. I’ve never wanted children and before surgery I lived in terror of becoming pregnant.
Yet over those six years I have still cried and mourned and raged. My heart has still been split and broken.
When I was 25, I started asking to have my tubes tied. The best I could get was an IUD which was uncomfortable at best for the years I had it and EXTREMELY painful when it was removed - and that all went smoothly. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling physically, mentally, emotionally.
When I was 32 (38 now), I finally told them that if I got pregnant, I would be having an abortion and - miracle of miracles (eyeroll) - the *female* NP that I had been seeing the whole time finally agreed to a referral. They didn’t want to do anything “invasive” so I have the little coils in my fallopian tubes that I’ve read a bunch of stories of working their way out of the scar tissue they caused in the tubes and caused emergencies. And yet, I guess I prefer that risk to the risk of pregnancy. And being a Nebraska resident, of having to seek out an extremely inconvenient abortion plan - and at least I’m privileged enough for it to just be inconvenient.
Ah, Neko, your righteous anger is one of the things that makes you my favorite semi-public figure and lyricist. Thanks for being who you are and using your platform for good.
First of all, happy birthday to you! ❤️ fellow virgo over here!
And yes, I’m in the no kids club as well and I’m mad as hell. I can’t do hormonal birth control either, and I can’t do the IUD for medical reasons, so I’m just over here figuring it all out until they get their shit together and figure out a better way. THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY. A friend of mine said her IUD insertion was the worst pain she’d ever experienced and she broke her leg in a car accident. They told her to take a Tylenol. WTF. If men did this they’d get weapons grade opiates.
Hope you feel better soon and I see and share your rage. 💕
I feel my feeble Happy birthdays disappearing down a cold canyon, i did have a Vasectomy (Whoopee good for me) and live on stolen land covered by socialized medicine and I'm a white male. Privileged. Any hope or thoughts or coherent words I offer will not assuage any debt or pain. May the unwanted child be held close in all our collective love for you.
I'm so sorry! I've had a cystoscopy, where they run an endoscope up your (male) urethra. It is intensely painful, and also an intense visceral feeling of THAT SHOULD NOT BE IN THERE. I guess there are people who do things like this for fun but I am not one of them. But at least it finishes. I can only use that experience point as a launching-off point to begin to imagine what you're going through. And I thoroughly sympathize and agree with the anger about the health care industry, and particularly with how it treats women worse than men in so many ways.
+1 to vasectomy. Mine was quick, easy, and nearly painless.
I hope your surgery is successful and the pain goes away.
This sucks! All things uterus-haver reproductive system are kind of a horror show (my friend's IUD implanted into the wall randomly and she had to get it removed).
A lot of trans/nonbinary uterus-havers I know have gotten theirs removed and were really happy with it. some cis folks too. if you leave the ovaries, you don't have to go on any substitute hormones, which is a win for some folks.
But also, as a nonbinary person who deeply identifies with not wanting to be a girl: it doesn't matter how you present: You don't have to be a girl if you don't want to.
I share your anger and am loud about reproductive justice whenever and wherever I can be. I’m very sorry you’re suffering. Last year I had surgery to find and remove a “lost” IUD (it had travelled right through the uterine wall and was embedded somewhere in my pelvis). It was a laparoscopic surgery and I hope yours will be similarly non-invasive, and similarly successful. The recovery wasn’t quite as easy I expected (thought I would be able to go running the next day) but it was still not bad at all. I too am a fan of IUDs and despite the perforation still give mine 10/10. Wishing you the best ❤️❤️❤️
I have worked in women’s healthcare for 16 years, so I see this every day (not the rogue IUD arms, but the bullshit women deal with in this system). It is so hard not to be mad ALL THE TIME! I currently work in gyn oncology, and watching these amazing women have to make decisions whether to treat based on insurance coverage or costs drives me through the roof! Nothing will ever convince me that women are getting a fair and equal deal in this healthcare racket (lots of proof that we don’t!). I can tell you that taking care of women is what drives me to get out of bed and get in that clinic, where they are trying to wear us all down. I will stand with you and all the other women out there, and promise to always advocate for quality, affordable, and equal treatment. I hate “the system” with pure fury! Thanks for sharing your experience, and happy freaking birthday 🎂 I hope you know how much people love you.
I share in your anger. GENTLEMEN--from someone who has been in far too close of proximity to miscarriage and abortion--you never want your partner to go through either of these experiences. Do your partner a solid in this foul year of somebody’s lord--give your balls a tug, and snip-snip. Easier than getting a wisdom tooth pulled and recovery is very minimal. Man-up!
This absolutely sucks in every possible way. Hope you're feeling at least some birthday love from over here.
I'm afraid I am entering a mine field by even responding while being male, but I just wanted you to know that I agree with you 100%. Insurance should cover all of it, no questions. (Of course there should be universal health care for all, but that's another problem) I hate that you have to go through this. This is definitely an area where society needs a serious re-direct, but sadly, while old white men are in charge it's not likely to happen in this country. I am not going to try to defend men by saying "some men are willing to get a vasectomy", because I know that those who are willing are in a minority. That said, when my wife and I started getting serious, and discussed our mutual decision not to have children, I knew that the simplest, best thing was for me to get snipped. I wish more men could take responsibility and spare their female partner the distress that most female contraceptive options cause. I hope your situation resolves quickly, and with as little additional pain and distress as possible.
Fuck Neko. I love you. Happy fucking Birthday - jesus.
You never fail to make me feel more seen and less alone.
Happy belated birthday and thank you for speaking honestly about the absolute bullshit having a uterus in this world entails.
Thank you for this Neko, although Im sorry your birthday has been marred by the difficulties. The inescapable fact that women bear the hardship of not getting pregnant and getting pregnant while being outlawed to use all available methods to deal with unwanted pregnancies, while vasectomies are cheap, easy and reversible, while not only hormones but post natal depression and women’s depression in general is the least researched (and very nearly not researched at all) and on and on (like this sentence) is nothing but rage fodder. Love to you.
Neko,
Happy Birthday to you woman!!
Sending you so much love today and always! Healthcare ‘advances’ for people w/ uteruses is shameful and what we have had to endure for decades is primitive. Dammit to hell and the P.I.L. soundtrack today is the fucking anthem for all of us right now... Sending you healing vibes w/ an extra dose of raspberry leaf to help it along. Never forget you do come from that don’t fuck w/ me stock and we got you! Xoxox
I defeated an IUD on my way into the world, but that was about 52 years ago. I think I just slipped by quietly like a thief rather than kung fu fighting with it. It sounds like cutting off part of it means two more sharper parts grow back in that place - ouch. I commented to someone going through a similar probing and scoping and scooping a few years back that "this too, shall pass, through you". Sorry I can't help.
I always have a spot in my heart for probe jokes. Haha!
Earlier today I read a piece about a woman’s experience with infertility. And her story juxtaposed with yours - the comments on her piece juxtaposed to those shared here - is such a stark and depressing reminder that it doesn’t matter wether you opt for an IUD or IVF: your decisions and your pain will be questioned, belittled, and dismissed. Both are decisions we make for our ultimate happiness yet both come with so much judgement, hurt, and anger.
I had a tubal ligation six years ago and it was one of the best, most freeing decisions I’ve ever made for myself. I’ve never wanted children and before surgery I lived in terror of becoming pregnant.
Yet over those six years I have still cried and mourned and raged. My heart has still been split and broken.
We all deserve so much more than this.
When I was 25, I started asking to have my tubes tied. The best I could get was an IUD which was uncomfortable at best for the years I had it and EXTREMELY painful when it was removed - and that all went smoothly. I can’t even imagine what you are feeling physically, mentally, emotionally.
When I was 32 (38 now), I finally told them that if I got pregnant, I would be having an abortion and - miracle of miracles (eyeroll) - the *female* NP that I had been seeing the whole time finally agreed to a referral. They didn’t want to do anything “invasive” so I have the little coils in my fallopian tubes that I’ve read a bunch of stories of working their way out of the scar tissue they caused in the tubes and caused emergencies. And yet, I guess I prefer that risk to the risk of pregnancy. And being a Nebraska resident, of having to seek out an extremely inconvenient abortion plan - and at least I’m privileged enough for it to just be inconvenient.
Ah, Neko, your righteous anger is one of the things that makes you my favorite semi-public figure and lyricist. Thanks for being who you are and using your platform for good.
Jesus. Thank god I convinced my ex-husband to get a vasectomy. And, once I was single, I could do birth control again. Fuuuuck that nonsense.
First of all, happy birthday to you! ❤️ fellow virgo over here!
And yes, I’m in the no kids club as well and I’m mad as hell. I can’t do hormonal birth control either, and I can’t do the IUD for medical reasons, so I’m just over here figuring it all out until they get their shit together and figure out a better way. THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY. A friend of mine said her IUD insertion was the worst pain she’d ever experienced and she broke her leg in a car accident. They told her to take a Tylenol. WTF. If men did this they’d get weapons grade opiates.
Hope you feel better soon and I see and share your rage. 💕
I feel my feeble Happy birthdays disappearing down a cold canyon, i did have a Vasectomy (Whoopee good for me) and live on stolen land covered by socialized medicine and I'm a white male. Privileged. Any hope or thoughts or coherent words I offer will not assuage any debt or pain. May the unwanted child be held close in all our collective love for you.
I'm so sorry! I've had a cystoscopy, where they run an endoscope up your (male) urethra. It is intensely painful, and also an intense visceral feeling of THAT SHOULD NOT BE IN THERE. I guess there are people who do things like this for fun but I am not one of them. But at least it finishes. I can only use that experience point as a launching-off point to begin to imagine what you're going through. And I thoroughly sympathize and agree with the anger about the health care industry, and particularly with how it treats women worse than men in so many ways.
+1 to vasectomy. Mine was quick, easy, and nearly painless.
I hope your surgery is successful and the pain goes away.
This sucks! All things uterus-haver reproductive system are kind of a horror show (my friend's IUD implanted into the wall randomly and she had to get it removed).
A lot of trans/nonbinary uterus-havers I know have gotten theirs removed and were really happy with it. some cis folks too. if you leave the ovaries, you don't have to go on any substitute hormones, which is a win for some folks.
But also, as a nonbinary person who deeply identifies with not wanting to be a girl: it doesn't matter how you present: You don't have to be a girl if you don't want to.