When my cat died, six weeks into the pandemic, I had to wait on the balcony while the visiting vet took a fur clipping for me and wrapped her in a blanket. A red-winged blackbird landed beside me and I thought, is it you. It flew away.
Of course I’ll never know if my cat’s spirit visited via the blackbird, but it kept returning and I believed she was there. I fed it despite my neighbour yelling at me to stop: I needed some form of life in close proximity. When I got replacement cats and named them Martie and Emily after The Chicks, their behind the window fury every time the blackbird showed up led me to nickname it Toby Keith. “FUTK,” they fumed through the window while I kept feeding it.
I have since documented TK’s annual arrival in my journal (it inches earlier every year). March 1 this year. The Chicks kept watching. We got a Mexican kitten and named her Geddy, making the band complete. She wasn’t quite smart enough to catch TK when he came by.
Yesterday morning, I packed up the remainder of my things and left my Toronto home to head to my new city. As I locked the door and got in a cab, the calls of the neighbourhood blackbirds erupted. They are the only thing I will miss as I head into my new life.
I believe it’s time for you to grow something. On the other hand, it may just be your fallow period. Whatever it is, it’s ok.
Planting seeds is so hard. It’s not about the gardening it’s about preparing for a slim chance at joy months in advance with a minimal success rate. I’m a professional homesteader who lives here full time. Gardening is a death cult ✨
Like I always say, Gardening is a contract with hope. When I can't plant seeds, it speaks volumes to me about my own state of mind and heart. Which, right now, suck.
I have observed that when artistic people feel burned out, the pressure to create (from themselves or others) creates anxiety, which makes it ever harder to feel creative. I think giving one's self permission to not create and take a break is important. Getting away from those expectations and doing something else- take a trip or do an activity you have never done- creates freedom and less anxiety, better conditions for creation.
Yes, 100%! One of my steepest learning curves in life has been / is accepting the cyclical nature of my willingness and ability to interface with not-me in a meaningful way. Sometimes the cycle coincides with the bigger, not-me, seasonal cycles. When it doesn't, that can feel confusing and depressing. Sometimes I have to hibernate in spring. Other times I want to plant things in spring. The hardest part is figuring out if where I'm at is a natural effect of my internal seasons, or if it's something that is out of sync and needs disrupting.
Idk. Not all springs are for planting and my inner seasons don’t always line up with the outer ones. I try to sit tight and remember that nothing lasts forever and that I have endured much worse. I try to remember the amazing times I was so grateful to be alive for and hold out for those times to come again. 💙
To me the red-winged blackbirds say, "boomba-jeeee"! They are such bossy fellows.
I lost my art and passion for many years, depression, lousy partners, different stuff. In the end, I did have to force myself back into it. I made myself paint, even if the outcome was so ugly and flat, and 2-dimentional. I painted and drew books full of hideous art that I will never show anybody, but it also let me slowly regain my skill. I switched from landscapes to abstract madness, because it was so much easier than realism and required less brain power.
My abstracts have now taken on a realism of their own, great flowing organic shapes with heavy shadows and contrast. I re-learned color and value. I'm just at the stage where I think I'm going to try a landscape again, maybe an abstract landscape.
Good luck, Neko. You're a very fucking special human being, and I know you don't know me, but I love you for how your music has healed my sad, broken heart over the years. Thank you.
I often look to nature as my default reality. I try be present within it as often as I can and let the reality of it take over and push aside the other competing sub-realities that occupy my time and energy. I let nature set the tone so that everything has to be in tune with it. And then there's art.
I definitely relate to this. Burn out is hard when you're used to creating all the time, it feels weird not to have the energy to do it. Giving yourself permission not to create for a bit and focus energy elsewhere is a good thing. I also turn to cooking when I feel depleted and really need to ground myself in something nourishing. Chopping is super meditative and eating good food always makes me feel better.
Feeling the same way currently and then feel shame because spring "should" make one excited and happy. Thanks for sharing. Hoping we all pop out of it soon.
When I’m really lost, the problem is I don’t look at all. I have friends who help me though. We remind each other in these times of our consequentiality in the world, our importance in lives great and small. If I were your best good friend, I would take you aside and gently place your feet back on the path, and walk beside you a spell until you were cantering along at your usual pace. I reckon there are legions that’d spill blood to do the same, here and elsewhere.
Neko, you are one of my greatest influences of all time. So is Ricki Lee Jones. I’m not sure how to express the magnitude of respect I have for your fierce flavor of genius as a songwriter and an artist altogether. I met you in Vermont once (where I’m from) at Penny Cluse (RIP Penny Cluse) in Burlington. I made my husband run to the local music store to buy my CD so I could give it to you 😄
The creative struggle is real these days, and uniquely so at this time in history I think. I’ve been an indie singer/songwriter/recording artist for 25 years. As established as I am, I’m always “emerging” in the public eye - never really arriving. I’m not sure any of us know how to maneuver the current state of this garbage music industry anymore. I was doing everything myself - booking, promotion, management- and simply burned out on touring. After some time away, I’m finally recording a new album, and I find myself writing mostly about creative struggles mirroring breakups or unrequited love songs. We’re at a strange time in history that way. As artists, we are our own product. Our vulnerability is our brilliance. But how can we find peace with who we are when we measure so much of our value this way? This is where I grapple with disconnection from things that used to give me life. But still, I must write about it the truth as you always do.
I hope more of us come together, do more collaborating, and continue to lift each other up. I can’t help but wonder if it’s creative community that we’re so thirsty for more than anything else. I’ve been a creative lone wolf since the beginning, and I think I’m finally looking for my pack. Meanwhile, thank you for being a constant source of inspiration and hope for me and so many others 🙌 💗 🐺
Chuck E is on all my playlists. Never did get to see her live though ~ I did get to see BB King in a small venue in Phoenix on his last tour. To name one Privilege.
We were all of us Transported.
I love being a kid from the other side of the tracks. I am sure that’s how I found all this Medicinal Music.
I have been almost too sad to listen to music in the last couple of weeks.
My closest sister is fighting a stupid leukemia and me being a retired hospice RN doesn’t feel like any sort of help at all.
We are in the midst of a Bright Spot, daring cancer to try again.
Can listen to you and some other Healers again now.
When my cat died, six weeks into the pandemic, I had to wait on the balcony while the visiting vet took a fur clipping for me and wrapped her in a blanket. A red-winged blackbird landed beside me and I thought, is it you. It flew away.
Of course I’ll never know if my cat’s spirit visited via the blackbird, but it kept returning and I believed she was there. I fed it despite my neighbour yelling at me to stop: I needed some form of life in close proximity. When I got replacement cats and named them Martie and Emily after The Chicks, their behind the window fury every time the blackbird showed up led me to nickname it Toby Keith. “FUTK,” they fumed through the window while I kept feeding it.
I have since documented TK’s annual arrival in my journal (it inches earlier every year). March 1 this year. The Chicks kept watching. We got a Mexican kitten and named her Geddy, making the band complete. She wasn’t quite smart enough to catch TK when he came by.
Yesterday morning, I packed up the remainder of my things and left my Toronto home to head to my new city. As I locked the door and got in a cab, the calls of the neighbourhood blackbirds erupted. They are the only thing I will miss as I head into my new life.
I believe it’s time for you to grow something. On the other hand, it may just be your fallow period. Whatever it is, it’s ok.
Planting seeds is so hard. It’s not about the gardening it’s about preparing for a slim chance at joy months in advance with a minimal success rate. I’m a professional homesteader who lives here full time. Gardening is a death cult ✨
Like I always say, Gardening is a contract with hope. When I can't plant seeds, it speaks volumes to me about my own state of mind and heart. Which, right now, suck.
I have observed that when artistic people feel burned out, the pressure to create (from themselves or others) creates anxiety, which makes it ever harder to feel creative. I think giving one's self permission to not create and take a break is important. Getting away from those expectations and doing something else- take a trip or do an activity you have never done- creates freedom and less anxiety, better conditions for creation.
Yes, 100%! One of my steepest learning curves in life has been / is accepting the cyclical nature of my willingness and ability to interface with not-me in a meaningful way. Sometimes the cycle coincides with the bigger, not-me, seasonal cycles. When it doesn't, that can feel confusing and depressing. Sometimes I have to hibernate in spring. Other times I want to plant things in spring. The hardest part is figuring out if where I'm at is a natural effect of my internal seasons, or if it's something that is out of sync and needs disrupting.
Idk. Not all springs are for planting and my inner seasons don’t always line up with the outer ones. I try to sit tight and remember that nothing lasts forever and that I have endured much worse. I try to remember the amazing times I was so grateful to be alive for and hold out for those times to come again. 💙
To me the red-winged blackbirds say, "boomba-jeeee"! They are such bossy fellows.
I lost my art and passion for many years, depression, lousy partners, different stuff. In the end, I did have to force myself back into it. I made myself paint, even if the outcome was so ugly and flat, and 2-dimentional. I painted and drew books full of hideous art that I will never show anybody, but it also let me slowly regain my skill. I switched from landscapes to abstract madness, because it was so much easier than realism and required less brain power.
My abstracts have now taken on a realism of their own, great flowing organic shapes with heavy shadows and contrast. I re-learned color and value. I'm just at the stage where I think I'm going to try a landscape again, maybe an abstract landscape.
Good luck, Neko. You're a very fucking special human being, and I know you don't know me, but I love you for how your music has healed my sad, broken heart over the years. Thank you.
I often look to nature as my default reality. I try be present within it as often as I can and let the reality of it take over and push aside the other competing sub-realities that occupy my time and energy. I let nature set the tone so that everything has to be in tune with it. And then there's art.
I definitely relate to this. Burn out is hard when you're used to creating all the time, it feels weird not to have the energy to do it. Giving yourself permission not to create for a bit and focus energy elsewhere is a good thing. I also turn to cooking when I feel depleted and really need to ground myself in something nourishing. Chopping is super meditative and eating good food always makes me feel better.
Feeling the same way currently and then feel shame because spring "should" make one excited and happy. Thanks for sharing. Hoping we all pop out of it soon.
I stared into the abyss, it stared back, and, being a person without any natural grace and now with balance issues, I fell in…
What was the question again?
When I’m really lost, the problem is I don’t look at all. I have friends who help me though. We remind each other in these times of our consequentiality in the world, our importance in lives great and small. If I were your best good friend, I would take you aside and gently place your feet back on the path, and walk beside you a spell until you were cantering along at your usual pace. I reckon there are legions that’d spill blood to do the same, here and elsewhere.
“Shiva the apple tree” does Shiva Dance all Five Acts at once sometimes? 🩵🔥👏☮️💥
Neko, you are one of my greatest influences of all time. So is Ricki Lee Jones. I’m not sure how to express the magnitude of respect I have for your fierce flavor of genius as a songwriter and an artist altogether. I met you in Vermont once (where I’m from) at Penny Cluse (RIP Penny Cluse) in Burlington. I made my husband run to the local music store to buy my CD so I could give it to you 😄
The creative struggle is real these days, and uniquely so at this time in history I think. I’ve been an indie singer/songwriter/recording artist for 25 years. As established as I am, I’m always “emerging” in the public eye - never really arriving. I’m not sure any of us know how to maneuver the current state of this garbage music industry anymore. I was doing everything myself - booking, promotion, management- and simply burned out on touring. After some time away, I’m finally recording a new album, and I find myself writing mostly about creative struggles mirroring breakups or unrequited love songs. We’re at a strange time in history that way. As artists, we are our own product. Our vulnerability is our brilliance. But how can we find peace with who we are when we measure so much of our value this way? This is where I grapple with disconnection from things that used to give me life. But still, I must write about it the truth as you always do.
I hope more of us come together, do more collaborating, and continue to lift each other up. I can’t help but wonder if it’s creative community that we’re so thirsty for more than anything else. I’ve been a creative lone wolf since the beginning, and I think I’m finally looking for my pack. Meanwhile, thank you for being a constant source of inspiration and hope for me and so many others 🙌 💗 🐺
I'll usually turn a corner, and bump into myself. THAT'S when I realize I've been lost...
Akin to sidewalks narrowing when you're beside yourself...
Hang in there Neko. Let Spring carry you along. Everything changes. ❤️
Chuck E is on all my playlists. Never did get to see her live though ~ I did get to see BB King in a small venue in Phoenix on his last tour. To name one Privilege.
We were all of us Transported.
I love being a kid from the other side of the tracks. I am sure that’s how I found all this Medicinal Music.
I have been almost too sad to listen to music in the last couple of weeks.
My closest sister is fighting a stupid leukemia and me being a retired hospice RN doesn’t feel like any sort of help at all.
We are in the midst of a Bright Spot, daring cancer to try again.
Can listen to you and some other Healers again now.
Thanks, Neko.