THE LAZY GUITAR
Sitting in the studio in a dark control room at Carnassial Sound. There is no natural light that gets in. The day flies by and I am a little disappointed when I go out to the front room and it’s already dark. I have been so sad this week because of more death. I’m not gonna get into it but it has me cut off at the knees. Luckily Paul Rigby just got here and he is working on guitars and tomorrow I will be too. It’s like singing with your fingers but I’m much better at singing with my mouth so I’m a little lazy about guitar. I’m trying to change that. “The Lazy Guitar” is now my gunfighter name. When it comes to playing I am rhythm only. I have never been interested in single notes or scales. I want to make texture and to play drums on the strings. It feels like freedom. I am in love with the sensation.
The songs are starting to sound a little more like songs and I am snapping out of my “song dysphoria” slowly but surely. It’s unbearably hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes. I hope I don’t sound like a broken record. This recording is about musicians living and dead. It’s about how we are going extinct and no one but us can see it. It is about joy and sinew. It’s about navigating the minefield of capitalism when you are an artist. It’s about hope and the shredding of rock n’ roll mythology. I am sounding very self important but the record is shaping up that way, it’s not what I set out to make. I never set out with an intention, I just see where it goes and I follow and try to honor it. I am also not saying I am any kind of “vessel” or “conduit.” That stuff is bullshit. I work. And I love to work. Maybe a little too much…
What is you most precious skill?
An Pontic Amazon coin older than Jesus and a Tucson love token by Sophie Albertsen :)
I love your gunfighter name, Neko. I’m often asked if I have an “Indian” name. It’s a ceremony I haven’t undertaken yet that I have mixed feelings about. Nonetheless, I hope it’s “Sweater without Pants Man” because I’m built like a Buffalo and Buffalo look like they wear sweaters without pants. Look at one now and tell me I’m wrong!
As for my skill, I love often and unrepentantly and ferociously.
Thank you for writing this. Your descriptions of whatever you describe always resonate so strongly for me. My most cherished skill is survival with my soul intact - weathering the cruelties of life in the time and place where I exist, and embracing my anger at it all, without surrendering to hatred and bitterness. As it so happens, I've been obsessed with "Last Lion of Albion" lately, and though I've always liked the song, it is suddenly resonating much more strongly for me. I figured out why just yesterday: I feel like I'm going instinct. It's sort of a nonsensical feeling because there's never been more than one of me; nevertheless, that's how I feel. So while I would never wish this on you or anyone else, witnessing your grief about the looming extinction of musicians is healing in some small way (as I don't feel quite so all alone in my feeling), so I thank you for sharing your experience with us all. Since this coming Friday is the Day of Remembrance for disabled people forced into extinction by their own families (if you're curious, google disability-memorial.org), this small relief is no small thing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.