VOYEUR

Across the way from my corporate apartment I can see directly into an office building. There is a Christmas party in full swing. I see exactly half of a party game going on. A woman in a Santa hat tosses something with great focus to nowhere. They haven’t bothered to dim the harsh fluorescents. Maybe they figure no one will attempt to mate in a corner if the lights are buzzing and blaring over the fun like the treat of electrocution. 

My last day in New York was fucking Santa Con. Christmas in New York made me feel like I was being trained to be a police horse. It was gauntlet after gauntlet. I tried to go see a friend for dinner but after 45 minutes of trying to get a cab I gave up. Don’t tell me I should take the subway. I mean it. I ended up in my happy sanctuary diner trying to collect my senses. One omlet later I felt ok. I had done two photoshoots that day for the upcoming book tour and I couldn’t even pack for my 6am flight. I went to bed at 7:30. I woke at two. It felt peaceful in a way. I packed and cleaned up a bit and headed out the door at 3:45 and luckily, walked straight into the only taxi I had seen in Manhattan with it’s light on in quite some time. I was very relieved. My bags were heavy. I slept through my short flight then with a great sigh of relief loaded my stuff into my own car. It was 8:30 am. I felt that crazy kind of awake where you think you can run all your errands, clean your whole house and finish your novel before dinnertime. I was asleep on the couch by 2:15 pm. I didn’t even make it upstairs to my room. Coco and Marcia and I slept straight through until 8am the next day. My hips were KILLING me!

Today the light is soft and the sky is blue. I saw a group of turkeys crossing my driveway to get to the pond. “Hi Turkeys!” I yelled from inside the house. I was so glad to see them. Cat prints in the snow outside. Morning fog. Cold, clean air. Fuzzy, gray leafless trees bearding the hilltops. A lovely morning. Now I’ll head down to the studio and run into my friend, John making beautiful hiking packs by hand in his workshop and shoot the shit over some coffee. A couple days ago some drug dude shot a policeman in the face with birdshot. They cancelled town holiday stuff until they finally found him. I’m sure our local paper was thrilled that something terrible had happened, because that is the kind of people they are. If I move away I will not miss those wet turds. 

Coco and I will run some errands and just have a regular day. I’m glad I am back with my sweet animals. I’m also glad I’m not a holiday person or I think the pressure might do me in. For those of you feeling that pressure right now, I’m sorry, AND you don’t have to do this. You can claim your mental health. You are the only you you have. You don’t have to spend all your money. You don’t have to burn yourselves out. I love you and I want you to be free of that feeling of obligation. No one misses a present they never got, but goddamn they would sure miss you. XO

Below is the office post Christmas party

Paul loving the drunk party hippo. Fuck the tourist stuff!

The blurry recharge station