This last full moon on the 26th was a doozy. It created quite the fog in my brain and I felt pretty drained, which I’m sure had everything to do with a couple weeks straight of hard creative work as well. The moon was also a raw, tender moon. I am deep in my feelings and very susceptible to replaying past regretted events over and over in my mind. I am active, but my output is half of what it normally is, so I have contented myself (and further worn myself out) with fall cleaning and organization, which, leaves a raw edge for the aching thoughts to seep in to. I am dealing with them all measuredly and sanely, but man! Is it exhausting!
This whole post is a work of art. I love the way you think about the nature you observe. It often flings open doors in my own mind, and today my whole brain-house is getting a good airing out.
As a multiply disabled person, I am especially grateful for your patient attention to your own feelings about the wingless fly. I can't quite explain, but the closest I can get is that it's the sun on a day that's just a slight bit too chilly for comfort. That's the time when the soothing warmth of direct sunlight is most noticeable and comforting to me, and that's how your words about the fly feel. Your willingness to examine the whole gamut of your feelings about the fly is rare indeed, and I feel oddly hopeful about the possibility of being accepted and understood in this culture that would rather run screaming into the night than confront and accept its discomfort about disability. I offer a ton of gratitude to you for that. Thank you.
I’m realllly new here, and this long ass comment feels a little awkward, but….your sketching and beautiful writing about vultures is giving me the tingles.
I remember some time back in my 20’s (I’m mid fifties now) I bought this oracle deck called Medicine Cards. It represents many animals as totems and teachers from a Native American perspective. The deck had a few blank cards, so if an animal wasn’t represented, you could make your own card and add it to your deck. I made a card for Vulture. My friends thought I was creepy for that, but it made perfect sense to me. Vultures seemed to follow me everywhere… and they often served to remind me to “clean something up” (like, umm...the mess I’d made if my life?)... and also to remove what no longer “holds life” for me. Vultures also propelled me towards doing some of the end of life dirty work no one else wants to do (I starting volunteering in convalescent hospitals...visiting people who got no visitors).
Fun fact: vultures also don’t make nests!
How about that for some “waste not/want not, “leave no trace,” and “grow where you’re planted” symbology?!
I live in a fairly urban area, and two nights ago EIGHT vultures circled low over my house, with two landing in a dead tree in my neighbor’s yard. I’ve been thinking about that message long and hard, and having it reinforced with your post just made the message all the better.
So thank you. 💛
As another person similarly commented above, I was also moved the fly story. I lost my leg in a car accident 20 years ago (nearly died) and although I am very active, I never regained my ability to do my beloved long into-the-wild backpacking trips. I mourned this deeply and darkly for a very long time until I finely learned how to find the same depth of connection with nature in the small things… a spider on my porch weaving a web or observing a wilting leaf in my hand.
I am still here. I get around a little differently. But I am still here taking it all in.🪰💛
After attending a funeral for a childhood friend who died tragically, I was given the chance to confront my younger self as that brilliant moon filled the parking lot of the Catholic elementary school I suffered through.
Seeing the stock characters of my Kill Bill cast on the edges of memories, every single person who inhabited these roles for decades became real and complex and scared…. Just like me.
Was it the moon or something reaching from the twilight world winking with new eyes?
I just know there are tales that lost their fire but found something new I’ll wait for one of your songs to capture. They always do. The layers of prose find the new versions of me when I’m ready to put my version aside. Eagles soar in grand trash heaps as raven build nests on tenement window ledges. That somehow mirrors our humanity perfectly.
Even as fall reflects this lesson every year, I’m open in new ways in my fifty-first year of life. There’s less to protect and more to discover.
“It was reminding me that nature is not some god who sees us, but a force that builds and un-builds. We ourselves have to choose what to do with what it gave us in the storm of our creation.”
Blown away. I have many pictures of the turkey vultures that frequent our neighborhood. Did you know that they mate for life?
This is beautiful! I’ve been dwelling on regrets as well over the last week or so - seemed like they popped up out of the blue and burrowed into my brain. I didn’t put two and two together until now. Thank you for shining a light on what had me feeling incredibly confused. Hope your feelings are easing as you enjoy the wonder of the changing of the leaves!
Incredible post...every damned word, every turn of phrase...delicious; right down to the poor dead skunk and pitiable fly-less fly. Only you, Neko...only you 💜
As a former bankruptcy attorney, I really appreciate the point about vultures. I tried to make similar points to my clients occasionally, but perhaps because I lack Neko’s artistic style, I don’t think I was ever able to instill this level of appreciation. Or any level of appreciation, to be honest. So it goes.
I wonder, too, sometimes, if I’ve missed my artistic gifts, but probably not. Would nature, or God, bestow such gifts on a person so easily distracted by glazed donuts and professional wrestling? I would hope not. No, my most important gift is my sense of obligation to my kids, to my family, to the community. (aka a servile disposition). I’ll have to leave the art to others and rest assured the world isn’t missing anything. (Not that artists don’t also have a sense of obligation of course). Best thing I can do when it comes to art is make sure my daughter, who does seem to have some artistic gifts, keeps her wings forever.
I'm finding that, in my mid-fifties, a lot of things are coming back to me; good stuff like memories with new school years, friends, songs that activate a rush of good nostalgia, places I've lived, and other bits and pieces. But the flipside to that is how I could have been more sensitive, kinder, more aware of emotional environments. It's a sign of maturity, I'm told.
I think this is all a part of what you were talking about in terms of our existence as these finite entities surrounded by everchanging and sometimes cruel nature, having to take things as they are in all their wonder and terror. Maybe this is an autumn thing, too. Anyway, I hope all the cleaning, organizing, and reflecting yields something life-giving - not just for your art which you share with us, but for your spirit that you keep for yourself, too. PS: Total agreement on the best place to see birds of prey being the city dump. Can confirm!
I don’t comment often but I just want you to know I value your insights so much. Who knew that such a unique singing voice also had an inner voice that is just as mind-blowing in the best way?
Meditations inspired by songless scavengers and wingless flies are my favorite prayers. These stumbling angels are the only ones I trust. Thanks, Neko 🖤
Your deep connection to country and your place reminds me of the Indigenous word Dadirri, knowing and deep connection to place and time. New moon makes me a light sleeper and we are in Spring so warmer days and warmer nights, I feel like I'm emerging from hibernation.
Thank you for sharing your deep and authentic posts dear Neko.
I enclose a link to a clip
Dr Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr collaborated with Producer and Director, Pip Gordon of The Gathering Tree with support from DLUX Media and Djilpin Arts in Katherine, with original music composed by Michael Kokinos, in producing a short teaser film about Dadirri - A Gift To The Nation. In Miriam’s language, ‘Dadirri’, is the practise of Deep Inner Listening and quiet still awareness, which connects us and nurtures spiritual well-being. The finalised film is still in production, with release expected early 2017. For more information contact thegatheringtree@outlook.com
This whole post is a work of art. I love the way you think about the nature you observe. It often flings open doors in my own mind, and today my whole brain-house is getting a good airing out.
As a multiply disabled person, I am especially grateful for your patient attention to your own feelings about the wingless fly. I can't quite explain, but the closest I can get is that it's the sun on a day that's just a slight bit too chilly for comfort. That's the time when the soothing warmth of direct sunlight is most noticeable and comforting to me, and that's how your words about the fly feel. Your willingness to examine the whole gamut of your feelings about the fly is rare indeed, and I feel oddly hopeful about the possibility of being accepted and understood in this culture that would rather run screaming into the night than confront and accept its discomfort about disability. I offer a ton of gratitude to you for that. Thank you.
This means a lot to me. Thank you so much. "Airing out your brain-house" is something I'd like to do myself :)
damn, this was a breathtaking read. it is such a privilege and honor to see the world through your eyes through these writings.
I’m realllly new here, and this long ass comment feels a little awkward, but….your sketching and beautiful writing about vultures is giving me the tingles.
I remember some time back in my 20’s (I’m mid fifties now) I bought this oracle deck called Medicine Cards. It represents many animals as totems and teachers from a Native American perspective. The deck had a few blank cards, so if an animal wasn’t represented, you could make your own card and add it to your deck. I made a card for Vulture. My friends thought I was creepy for that, but it made perfect sense to me. Vultures seemed to follow me everywhere… and they often served to remind me to “clean something up” (like, umm...the mess I’d made if my life?)... and also to remove what no longer “holds life” for me. Vultures also propelled me towards doing some of the end of life dirty work no one else wants to do (I starting volunteering in convalescent hospitals...visiting people who got no visitors).
Fun fact: vultures also don’t make nests!
How about that for some “waste not/want not, “leave no trace,” and “grow where you’re planted” symbology?!
I live in a fairly urban area, and two nights ago EIGHT vultures circled low over my house, with two landing in a dead tree in my neighbor’s yard. I’ve been thinking about that message long and hard, and having it reinforced with your post just made the message all the better.
So thank you. 💛
As another person similarly commented above, I was also moved the fly story. I lost my leg in a car accident 20 years ago (nearly died) and although I am very active, I never regained my ability to do my beloved long into-the-wild backpacking trips. I mourned this deeply and darkly for a very long time until I finely learned how to find the same depth of connection with nature in the small things… a spider on my porch weaving a web or observing a wilting leaf in my hand.
I am still here. I get around a little differently. But I am still here taking it all in.🪰💛
what an exquisite read- thank you!
also thank you for your poetic appreciation of the vulture (& other scavengers). i don't think I'd ever thought of their service in that way.
I so love your writing!!!
After attending a funeral for a childhood friend who died tragically, I was given the chance to confront my younger self as that brilliant moon filled the parking lot of the Catholic elementary school I suffered through.
Seeing the stock characters of my Kill Bill cast on the edges of memories, every single person who inhabited these roles for decades became real and complex and scared…. Just like me.
Was it the moon or something reaching from the twilight world winking with new eyes?
I just know there are tales that lost their fire but found something new I’ll wait for one of your songs to capture. They always do. The layers of prose find the new versions of me when I’m ready to put my version aside. Eagles soar in grand trash heaps as raven build nests on tenement window ledges. That somehow mirrors our humanity perfectly.
Even as fall reflects this lesson every year, I’m open in new ways in my fifty-first year of life. There’s less to protect and more to discover.
“It was reminding me that nature is not some god who sees us, but a force that builds and un-builds. We ourselves have to choose what to do with what it gave us in the storm of our creation.”
Blown away. I have many pictures of the turkey vultures that frequent our neighborhood. Did you know that they mate for life?
Keeping this. Kind of perfect I think.
This is beautiful! I’ve been dwelling on regrets as well over the last week or so - seemed like they popped up out of the blue and burrowed into my brain. I didn’t put two and two together until now. Thank you for shining a light on what had me feeling incredibly confused. Hope your feelings are easing as you enjoy the wonder of the changing of the leaves!
Incredible post...every damned word, every turn of phrase...delicious; right down to the poor dead skunk and pitiable fly-less fly. Only you, Neko...only you 💜
As a former bankruptcy attorney, I really appreciate the point about vultures. I tried to make similar points to my clients occasionally, but perhaps because I lack Neko’s artistic style, I don’t think I was ever able to instill this level of appreciation. Or any level of appreciation, to be honest. So it goes.
I wonder, too, sometimes, if I’ve missed my artistic gifts, but probably not. Would nature, or God, bestow such gifts on a person so easily distracted by glazed donuts and professional wrestling? I would hope not. No, my most important gift is my sense of obligation to my kids, to my family, to the community. (aka a servile disposition). I’ll have to leave the art to others and rest assured the world isn’t missing anything. (Not that artists don’t also have a sense of obligation of course). Best thing I can do when it comes to art is make sure my daughter, who does seem to have some artistic gifts, keeps her wings forever.
...vultures coasting low and high in columns of thermals whispering to them what the dinner specials are...... SUCH beautiful writing
That sentence produced a full on cinematic masterpiece in my mind. So beautifully crafted.
I'm finding that, in my mid-fifties, a lot of things are coming back to me; good stuff like memories with new school years, friends, songs that activate a rush of good nostalgia, places I've lived, and other bits and pieces. But the flipside to that is how I could have been more sensitive, kinder, more aware of emotional environments. It's a sign of maturity, I'm told.
I think this is all a part of what you were talking about in terms of our existence as these finite entities surrounded by everchanging and sometimes cruel nature, having to take things as they are in all their wonder and terror. Maybe this is an autumn thing, too. Anyway, I hope all the cleaning, organizing, and reflecting yields something life-giving - not just for your art which you share with us, but for your spirit that you keep for yourself, too. PS: Total agreement on the best place to see birds of prey being the city dump. Can confirm!
I don’t comment often but I just want you to know I value your insights so much. Who knew that such a unique singing voice also had an inner voice that is just as mind-blowing in the best way?
"Thank You Vulture" sounds like an awesome title for something...
Meditations inspired by songless scavengers and wingless flies are my favorite prayers. These stumbling angels are the only ones I trust. Thanks, Neko 🖤
Your deep connection to country and your place reminds me of the Indigenous word Dadirri, knowing and deep connection to place and time. New moon makes me a light sleeper and we are in Spring so warmer days and warmer nights, I feel like I'm emerging from hibernation.
Thank you for sharing your deep and authentic posts dear Neko.
I enclose a link to a clip
Dr Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr collaborated with Producer and Director, Pip Gordon of The Gathering Tree with support from DLUX Media and Djilpin Arts in Katherine, with original music composed by Michael Kokinos, in producing a short teaser film about Dadirri - A Gift To The Nation. In Miriam’s language, ‘Dadirri’, is the practise of Deep Inner Listening and quiet still awareness, which connects us and nurtures spiritual well-being. The finalised film is still in production, with release expected early 2017. For more information contact thegatheringtree@outlook.com
https://youtu.be/tow2tR_ezL8?si=G4X3tjtVwrf5njV8