You know those days – everything is going wrong despite your best intentions and careful preparation and it makes you feel like shit about yourself even though you know with every logical little blood cell in your body that it truly isn’t your fault or anyone else’s? Everyone you ask for help says the wrong thing and are maybe even a little too flip about it (because they are busy with their own Gordian knots) so you take it personally? Everything you do to try to remedy the situation is a bust and might even make things a little worse? I’m having that day today and I am, by proxy, completely corruptible. I’m a wet candy shell with no chocolate inside.
For me, the key seems to be changing how much I'm moving. If I'm moving too much, I try to find ways to move less (nap, reading a book, mindless TV or soothing music in the background). If I haven't been moving enough, then it's time for a walk, a bike ride, or even sometimes just a drive with the windows down does the trick. I can't change the environment but I can change how I engage with it.
Going on a long walk really helps the ick... but I’ve only been in a tolerable mood since November so I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I’m putting all of my money on the sunshine that is due to show up soon.
TLDR: Weighted blanket. I too have been hauling around this meat sac for many decades, and it's only in the past 6 months have I stepped back to heal my mental and physical boo-boos. I've learned that those of us who feel and see and connect to the world in 360-degree multi-dimensional technicolor can often feel like a toaster on the fritz and we need to reset the fuse. My go-to re-regulation strategy is to take 20-40 mins laying flat on my back under a weighted blanket. No phone or music. Another strategy is engaging in sensory novelty: fingerpainting, cold water plunging, finding a sunny spot on the floor to just "bathe" in, etc.
ETA: Also completely disengaging in late-stage capitalism for a bit. That helps.
Jeeeeezzz...what is going on in the ether. I spent last week in a state of near crippling WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME near paranoia. I grounded myself on Saturday, and spent it alternating between checked out and itemizing my stress points. I gave permission to myself to take a walk in the afternoon. I ate healthy meals. I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I woke up feeling ready to be in the world again on Sunday morning. Life is a fragile MF’er, and somedays I have to retreat.
I so wish we had little flashing red lights jn our foreheads, maybe with a little added audio that says “back away” in a foreboding robot voice. Your aptly put writing above is reminding me of a Brene Brown podcast I just listened to. She talked about the difference between stress and overwhelm. Overwhelm is the most heightened form of stress (an emotional or cognitive intensity to the point of being unable to function). Overwhelm requires a different approach of response. Whereas with stress, we break the problem up into smaller achievable tasks, it isn’t so with overwhelm. We actually have to step away entirely, take a long break, and do something that calms us. If we don’t we make shit decisions, (just as you wrote!) and propel the vicious circle of stress into overwhelm. Hope this helps!
I don't know anything. But! I was listening to people on youtube play the steel tongue drum last night.. and it really soothed me. I swear the tongue drum is like.. the most healing instrument. A sound bath, 4real
Everyone has different things that soothe them.. what works for you may not for someone else. I think you can find "mystical sonic solace" anywhere.. if you listen DEEP enough.
Like the rain & windchimes i'm hearing now.. the birds.. the wind.. ect. Plenty of solace on youtube.. if you look in the right places.. I like listening to people play Native American flute too..
Yeah, there are just some days when I'm out and about trying to do stuff and I'm not aligned with the universe, which lets me know in many small (no parking spots) and sometimes large (get a traffic ticket) ways. I usually handle this by cutting short my list of shit-to-do and get on home, take my dog out on a trail, or jump on my bike and go for a ride. Those activities necessarily limit the need for meat-on-meat interactions, which is for the best when it's "one of those days." I fortunately have the leeway to give myself the day off from trying to function "normally" as a worker-bee or productive/engaged member of society, because anything attempted on such a day will just turn to shit anyway.
I have not always known how to decipher my frustration/impatience/short fuse as the red light, but I’ve been learning. Practice makes perfect. I am no longer afraid to be honest with myself or those closest to me. I’m not a machine, after all. I watch animal rescue videos daily in order to veg out and give myself a mental break. Today, I had a massage. Stealing some time for myself is essential. I listened to music really loudly on the way there and back. I feel tremendously better.
Tina Fey calls this state “blorft” and it’s a perfect word for it. Go easy on yourself. Bury your face in a critter, go outside, go to bed for a little while. It’s okay to just be goddamn DONE with shit for a while and recharge. Sending hugs and strength and love❤️
I call that space “Done peopling today.” It means I need some alone time, or possibly silent time with a dear friend or loved one nearby. Dirt therapy in the garden is good. Lying down outside and staring up at the sky/trees/birds is good. Curling up with a book and a cup of tea and a cat is good.
I like the other commenter saying “closed.” That reminds me, I used to babysit a little kid whose parents did sign language with him when he was not yet talking, and when he got worn out or peopled out or fell off the swings too many times, he would wave his hands around by the sides of his head and say “awwwwduuunnnnn” and yeah kid, that really sums it up. His solution was cheerios and a stroller nap - your mileage may vary.
Nap, preferably with beloved animals, maybe a lit candle, a soothing read and a note on the door along the lines of leave me be so I can be human again.
Meditating for 20 minutes with breath focus can take the wind out of my mind’s sails too
Have you seen what a "flight envelope diagram" looks like and what it means for the aircraft and its people? There are days I'm left with no energy in the tank for anyone or anything and mere existence is a labor. On those days I ask how I managed to find myself at one of the edges in my own flight envelope diagram. For me, the usual corrective course involves quiet, alone time, no work, and sleep.
When you cannot get away to do any of these great suggestions here (I’m on office worker drone myself, so can’t just get up to take a walk, nap, etc.), I find taking a few minutes aside to do a simple breathing exercise helpful to pause and get perspective. And I apologize to anyone with whom I may have been overly curt.
I once had a hell of a day--brain was fried. Was so hungry I was past energy for anger. I finally found my meager sandwich and sat down for a 3 min lunch. That’s when someone else who had-“just a quick question” approached. Without even realizing what I was doing-my stop sign hand went up and I mumbled, “closed.”
A bunch of people laughed before I even realized what I said. But it was effective. No one took it meanly. They got it. It’s simple. Gets the point across, and it takes almost no effort. Small shake of head and weary smile really effective as well.
I have sheep and horses. Nearly every pair of shoes I own literally has had some kind or amount of shit on them. Ironically, taking care of the producers of said fecal matter helps me deal with the metaphorical shit
I'm really loving everyone's suggestions! Keep em' coming! Thank you!
For me, the key seems to be changing how much I'm moving. If I'm moving too much, I try to find ways to move less (nap, reading a book, mindless TV or soothing music in the background). If I haven't been moving enough, then it's time for a walk, a bike ride, or even sometimes just a drive with the windows down does the trick. I can't change the environment but I can change how I engage with it.
Going on a long walk really helps the ick... but I’ve only been in a tolerable mood since November so I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I’m putting all of my money on the sunshine that is due to show up soon.
TLDR: Weighted blanket. I too have been hauling around this meat sac for many decades, and it's only in the past 6 months have I stepped back to heal my mental and physical boo-boos. I've learned that those of us who feel and see and connect to the world in 360-degree multi-dimensional technicolor can often feel like a toaster on the fritz and we need to reset the fuse. My go-to re-regulation strategy is to take 20-40 mins laying flat on my back under a weighted blanket. No phone or music. Another strategy is engaging in sensory novelty: fingerpainting, cold water plunging, finding a sunny spot on the floor to just "bathe" in, etc.
ETA: Also completely disengaging in late-stage capitalism for a bit. That helps.
Jeeeeezzz...what is going on in the ether. I spent last week in a state of near crippling WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME near paranoia. I grounded myself on Saturday, and spent it alternating between checked out and itemizing my stress points. I gave permission to myself to take a walk in the afternoon. I ate healthy meals. I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I woke up feeling ready to be in the world again on Sunday morning. Life is a fragile MF’er, and somedays I have to retreat.
I so wish we had little flashing red lights jn our foreheads, maybe with a little added audio that says “back away” in a foreboding robot voice. Your aptly put writing above is reminding me of a Brene Brown podcast I just listened to. She talked about the difference between stress and overwhelm. Overwhelm is the most heightened form of stress (an emotional or cognitive intensity to the point of being unable to function). Overwhelm requires a different approach of response. Whereas with stress, we break the problem up into smaller achievable tasks, it isn’t so with overwhelm. We actually have to step away entirely, take a long break, and do something that calms us. If we don’t we make shit decisions, (just as you wrote!) and propel the vicious circle of stress into overwhelm. Hope this helps!
I don't know anything. But! I was listening to people on youtube play the steel tongue drum last night.. and it really soothed me. I swear the tongue drum is like.. the most healing instrument. A sound bath, 4real
Sound baths are totally legit!
Sound bath while in a hot Epsom salt bath.
I am skeptical about connecting with mystical sonic solace on YouTube but I guess where else are we gonna find it
Everyone has different things that soothe them.. what works for you may not for someone else. I think you can find "mystical sonic solace" anywhere.. if you listen DEEP enough.
Like the rain & windchimes i'm hearing now.. the birds.. the wind.. ect. Plenty of solace on youtube.. if you look in the right places.. I like listening to people play Native American flute too..
Yeah, there are just some days when I'm out and about trying to do stuff and I'm not aligned with the universe, which lets me know in many small (no parking spots) and sometimes large (get a traffic ticket) ways. I usually handle this by cutting short my list of shit-to-do and get on home, take my dog out on a trail, or jump on my bike and go for a ride. Those activities necessarily limit the need for meat-on-meat interactions, which is for the best when it's "one of those days." I fortunately have the leeway to give myself the day off from trying to function "normally" as a worker-bee or productive/engaged member of society, because anything attempted on such a day will just turn to shit anyway.
I have not always known how to decipher my frustration/impatience/short fuse as the red light, but I’ve been learning. Practice makes perfect. I am no longer afraid to be honest with myself or those closest to me. I’m not a machine, after all. I watch animal rescue videos daily in order to veg out and give myself a mental break. Today, I had a massage. Stealing some time for myself is essential. I listened to music really loudly on the way there and back. I feel tremendously better.
Tina Fey calls this state “blorft” and it’s a perfect word for it. Go easy on yourself. Bury your face in a critter, go outside, go to bed for a little while. It’s okay to just be goddamn DONE with shit for a while and recharge. Sending hugs and strength and love❤️
I call that space “Done peopling today.” It means I need some alone time, or possibly silent time with a dear friend or loved one nearby. Dirt therapy in the garden is good. Lying down outside and staring up at the sky/trees/birds is good. Curling up with a book and a cup of tea and a cat is good.
I like the other commenter saying “closed.” That reminds me, I used to babysit a little kid whose parents did sign language with him when he was not yet talking, and when he got worn out or peopled out or fell off the swings too many times, he would wave his hands around by the sides of his head and say “awwwwduuunnnnn” and yeah kid, that really sums it up. His solution was cheerios and a stroller nap - your mileage may vary.
Nap, preferably with beloved animals, maybe a lit candle, a soothing read and a note on the door along the lines of leave me be so I can be human again.
Meditating for 20 minutes with breath focus can take the wind out of my mind’s sails too
Have you seen what a "flight envelope diagram" looks like and what it means for the aircraft and its people? There are days I'm left with no energy in the tank for anyone or anything and mere existence is a labor. On those days I ask how I managed to find myself at one of the edges in my own flight envelope diagram. For me, the usual corrective course involves quiet, alone time, no work, and sleep.
When you cannot get away to do any of these great suggestions here (I’m on office worker drone myself, so can’t just get up to take a walk, nap, etc.), I find taking a few minutes aside to do a simple breathing exercise helpful to pause and get perspective. And I apologize to anyone with whom I may have been overly curt.
I once had a hell of a day--brain was fried. Was so hungry I was past energy for anger. I finally found my meager sandwich and sat down for a 3 min lunch. That’s when someone else who had-“just a quick question” approached. Without even realizing what I was doing-my stop sign hand went up and I mumbled, “closed.”
A bunch of people laughed before I even realized what I said. But it was effective. No one took it meanly. They got it. It’s simple. Gets the point across, and it takes almost no effort. Small shake of head and weary smile really effective as well.
Closed. I love that. It’s perfect.
I have sheep and horses. Nearly every pair of shoes I own literally has had some kind or amount of shit on them. Ironically, taking care of the producers of said fecal matter helps me deal with the metaphorical shit