The space between getting home from tour and feeling home from tour varies from just a couple days to a month. It’s a weird, jet-lagged netherworld where you roam around in the dark, a ghost in your own house or an annoyed somnambulant. Movies at 4 am and a fear of morning birds permeate – the birds are so BUSY and
I can see that touring is a lot like a deployment. The time changes and the other imbalances are the same things military folks have trouble getting used to. Home is a place where the swearing is more controlled, and where I would myself waking up, lying on the floor in a heap from going to sleep while changing the VCR. Fortunately, my wife would toss a blanket over me when that happened. It's immersion therapy, and that can be tough for everyone.
I totally relate to the future ghost. It’s good to have a dog. Gets me up and moving, too. I think maybe when I retire I’ll be more productive and possibly have some semblance of a routine. My cleaning self comes in spurts and usually by surprise. One trip to scoop cat poop in the basement may lead to cleaning the garage after taking it out to the trash. When I’m not beating myself up for my often lazy self, I realize my friends could care and I’m more slobbish than dirty. Need to give ourselves some slack no matter how hard that can be. Hope you relax soon.
If you hadn’t already mentioned a couple times that you have ADHD, I would know it from this post. (It’s easy to recognize your own “kind”)
I really love and appreciate reading this since it seems we have very similar struggles in these areas, especially with the blessing and curse of self employment for us ADHD folks.
I gotta say, having the "back from tour" experience to reflect on while nibbling on twilight hour bread versus my own winter-gray early-darkness laziness seems nice. I think it's OK to have these weird seasonal behavior changes - whether it's tour season, winter season or Vermont every-day-is-gray season :) Summer makes up for it all. Making myself go out and walk the husky now because darkness seems near....but wait, it's just 1:45pm in central VT. ;)
"Pee powered snowmobile"...THAT made my morning. Well, that and presents. Lots and lots of presents. I hope you are having a joyous Christmaween!
"That version of me is a ghost too because it’s not really who I am, it’s who I wish I was." Yep. Me too.
Cheers to you and yours. Your entries on The Lung have been some of my favorite things to read and reflect on this year. Merry merry 🎄
I can see that touring is a lot like a deployment. The time changes and the other imbalances are the same things military folks have trouble getting used to. Home is a place where the swearing is more controlled, and where I would myself waking up, lying on the floor in a heap from going to sleep while changing the VCR. Fortunately, my wife would toss a blanket over me when that happened. It's immersion therapy, and that can be tough for everyone.
I totally relate to the future ghost. It’s good to have a dog. Gets me up and moving, too. I think maybe when I retire I’ll be more productive and possibly have some semblance of a routine. My cleaning self comes in spurts and usually by surprise. One trip to scoop cat poop in the basement may lead to cleaning the garage after taking it out to the trash. When I’m not beating myself up for my often lazy self, I realize my friends could care and I’m more slobbish than dirty. Need to give ourselves some slack no matter how hard that can be. Hope you relax soon.
I love the story, great read, take care Ghost.......xo
If you hadn’t already mentioned a couple times that you have ADHD, I would know it from this post. (It’s easy to recognize your own “kind”)
I really love and appreciate reading this since it seems we have very similar struggles in these areas, especially with the blessing and curse of self employment for us ADHD folks.
I gotta say, having the "back from tour" experience to reflect on while nibbling on twilight hour bread versus my own winter-gray early-darkness laziness seems nice. I think it's OK to have these weird seasonal behavior changes - whether it's tour season, winter season or Vermont every-day-is-gray season :) Summer makes up for it all. Making myself go out and walk the husky now because darkness seems near....but wait, it's just 1:45pm in central VT. ;)
"Chistmaween". I'm using that from now until my children incinerate me after I pass. Speaking of children - you haz a daughter?