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People who don’t keep their phones on silent. People who FaceTime with someone while they’re walking through a public place or a grocery store, without earbuds. Any person on an airplane having a conversation on their phone.

This was too easy. I could write 50 more paragraphs, but I have to go to yoga now Namaste fuckers.

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deletedMay 23
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I actually laugh-coughed my drink all over my shirt! Damn Substack humor!!! Namaste

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ooh I love a little rant of good-natured complaining, my offhand top 10:

1. me hearing myself say "absolutely" repeatedly when trying to convey my fake or real interest in what someone is saying.

2. anything Billy Joel, but especially that song that lists a bunch of stuff.

3. yoga pants that aren't black turn my eyes into ex rays and I can see/imagine everything, and the person might as well be naked and I don't like it.

4. the phrase "women who rock"

5. people in clothing that advertises weird boring corporate names like "Hollister" or "Billabong"

5a. redux reissue CBGBs, Ramones, Nirvana and Bowie shirts sold at chain stores

6. those big giant holes some people make in their ear lobes

7. people who walk their dog without being focused on the dog, just clomping along not seeing what the dog wants to do or letting it have a big sniff fest every few feet

8. when you're 3 people and one keeps not making eye contact with the other person, it drives me crazy and I start staring at the unseen person trying to make the avoider look at them

9. When you decide to be nice and hold the door for a stranger, but really they were kind of far away and they see you doing it and then they have to walk faster and it's just so awkward

10. people at the grocery store buying cases of plastic bottled water.

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“We Didn’t Start the Fire” (tho I prefer your title) will send me into a blind fucking rage.

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Yup! It’s like you were in the whiny part of my brain taking notes.

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#9 :-) Same!

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#7 & #8 especially! The 3 people with one avoiding eye contact drives me nuts. When I'm the one the person is avoiding eye contact with, I try to avoid being with that Trio again.

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absolutely ~ oh you called me out right here. guilty as charged.

i confess.

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Feet. All human feet. Including my own

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SAME ~ they’re awful and i am surprised and frickin grateful that geriatric fungal feet and toenails do not show up in my retired RN dreams. I am okay. I think. hm.

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OMG I think I have geriatric fungal feet!!!!

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i am probably working on it myself.. i did just turn 60…

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For real

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One bite of food left on your plate or one sip left in your cup. Is it a sacrifice to your gods?!? Just eat it!

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I only drink 2/3 of any cup of tea I make. I'm so sorry, Anna.

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I mean, if that's the tribute your deity demands...

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my deities have a crap ton of demands even sometimes when i am otherwise engaged

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safer. can’t be too careful sometimes ~

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what’s the psychology of this phenomenon?

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ahahaha

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I'm not sure how long you've got to read this list - nor how much time I have to devote to it!

The sound of coughing (even if it's me doing it)

Mayonnaise

Temperatures over, like, 70F (LEAVE ME ALONE!)

The word "bandwidth" in re: time/mental capacity to take on more tasks

Books romanticizing World War II (or featuring a romance DURING World War II)

Men who talk to you at the gym while you have headphones in and are CLEARLY invested in your workout/not wanting to talk

Taylor Swift (yep, I went there)

AI replacing actual writing

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70 is the perfect temperature. always. right?? isn’t it?

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1. Chocolate chip cookies with walnuts

2. Someone not abiding by the universal rule that any package containing anything you can count must contain an even number of pieces. If you find there is an odd number, consume or use 1 or 3 pieces to bring things into balance.

3. Flesh coloured leggings

4. Auto tune

5. Automated Customer "Service"

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Oh, God, yes to the flesh colored leggings!

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YES - why do people aspire to look like an anatomically correct doll?!

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Odd or prime numbers might be foreplay for me. That’s likely why I married a math professor. Other than that, love your list!

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Yeah the number thing isn't very sexy on my part lol.

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Brussels Sprouts. Now they’re acting all hip and cool being “grilled”, but I know they’re just stinky little cabbages.

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this is a super fun post and i'm excited to read everyone's pet peeves! first, my own:

- kids who harass animals

- computer fonts made to look like hand lettering, but IT'S NOT

- sniffling sounds from humans who should be at home, isolated, not spreading their germs in public

- people, unsolicited, telling me how long my hair should be, what i should wear, how i should draw, what i should post on social media, etc.

- performative videos of animal rescue--put the phone down and help that animal faster!

- those who complain about long lines whilst waiting in a long line, thereby worsening the moment for everyone around them

- when someone asks to "pick my brain" (gross)

- gendered honorifics (when folks called me "miss" i used to say, "i'm not MISSing anything!")

i have never, that i can recall, seen a fake nail in the wild, but i bet i'll start noticing them now!

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When people say “all of the things” or “all of the feelings;” get over yourself.

Using SZN (for season)

BB (for baby)

Vacay

“OBSESSED” when they like something.

Dirty fingernails

Glorification of busy

Low bass sound coming from somewhere outside when I’m in my house.

Loud talkers

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Pet peeves:

Bananas - a bullshit fruit

Pencils - hate the way they feel

Mint - yuck

People who answer the dating app prompt "my personal hell is" with some bullshit like "getting caught behind slow walkers." Have these people ever had a bad day? I'm tempted to write this as a response: Having my eyeballs slowly removed with a rusty ice cream scoop while being forced to listen to Metal Machine Music on repeat.

People who stand on the left side of the escalator. That side is for passing!

People who see you coming and don't hold the elevator.

Angel hair pasta

People who talk about astrology, love languages, or Myers-Briggs personality types.

Lists and listicles -- clickbait ruining the internet

Overcast days that never rain

People who complain about the cost of books but refuse to use libraries

Disney, Harry Potter, Marvel, and Star Wars stans

The lack of places to sit in DC metro stations

People who don't let me pet their dog

The cost of rent in DC

Concerts that go past the closing of the metro when they didn't have to, because the band insisted on not starting until ridiculously late

Bands that play so loud I can't hear the lyrics

Soft rock, easy listening, and smooth jazz

Meals taking longer to cook than to eat

Group projects

Small talk

Dry turkey or pork

Autism Speaks

Love On the Spectrum -- they get the worst, least interesting people on this show

Shitty, highly commercial epic fantasy like Shannara or Brandon Sanderson

Spesking of Sanderdon, Mormons, and organized religion in general

Snakes, especially, but reptiles in general

The Dragon Age series of games going from traditional CRPG to action RPG

The decline of turn-based CRPGs

The difficulty of getting my Adderrall Rx

No decent psychiatrists taking insurance

Commercials

Always misplacing my dice

Beast from X-Men further mutating into a cat-like form. Beast is a blue ape-man!

The ratio of non-wrestling:wrestling on WWE programming

The placement of subtitles in The Zone of Interest

Zack Snyder movies

Okay, I've been writing this for more than half an hour, so I'm going to stop now.

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I have more:

Books that have a glossary, but it's at the end and I don't find it until I've read the book

E-books with notes, but the notes aren't hyperlinked

People who talk during concerts

People who say they are looking for "consistency"in a romantic partner. I can consistently be a jackass!

People who can't deal with sarcasm.

People who listen to their phones without headphones on the subway.

People who wear shorts when there's snow on the ground.

Christmas music

My dad being me t-shirts I don't want because they were a good deal

Synthesizers

Drum machines

AI enthusiasts

Missing pieces from my Lego sets

The lack of medium-sized Lego sets in a reasonable price range

Network sitcoms, the worst being The Big Bang Theory

The racism and misogyny in the Jerry Pournelle/Larry Niven novel A Mote In God's Eye

Peter Jackson turning the Hobbit into 3 PG-13-rated films

The endless string of the same adaptations of sci-fi/fantasy, while other amazing stuff has not been touched

George R. R. Martin not finishing A Song of Fire and Ice

Deliberately obscure writing

The absence of Chris Smither's early albums from streaming services

Having to take my shoes off at airport security

Sandals

Cracked skin on my heels

People on dating apps who say they want kids, but also say they're looking for a casual relationship

Objectivists, Libertarians, and Neocons

Postmodernism

3-letter last names (4 is perfectly fine, Neko!)

Illogical substitutions in my grocery order (why would you replace gluten-free pasta with whole grain pasta??)

Course syllabi that don't specify readings by date. How am I supposed to plan?

People who vape at an indoor show (never going to Greensky Bluegrass again!)

The voice of this one lady at my Overeaters Anonymous meeting

The audience clapping along to music and not all being on the beat together

The way my mom talks to herself

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OMG the elevatory thing throws me into an apoplectic state.

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I fantasize about watching where the elevator stops, going to their floor, and confronting them.

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I’m sorry that happened to you. NYC can be a real bitch. Especially the west west west side, which they’re trying to make a cool place to hang out but has always and will forever SUCK.

Weirdly (one of) my pet peeves is slow walkers, which makes me feel like a terrible person bc I know sometimes it can’t be helped, but it makes me LOSE IT. Other neurodivergent weird things for me include: itchy shirt tags, loud chewing, screeching brakes.

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OMG yes! Slow walkers drive me crazy. Also itchy tags, and hearing anyone chew.

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1. People who approach a pedestrian crossing where button has already been pressed and hammer it repeatedly because, for them, it will speed up when the it will turn green.

2. People who describe things as ‘literally’ in conversations when they almost always mean it figuratively.

3. Excessive lip filler so that your mouth looks like a chimp’s genitalia in oestrous. Am very disturbed by this.

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Can I also add - horror at camel toe when it’s fine for a man to have a crotch bulge. Celebrate pudendal largesse!

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"Celebrate Pudendal Largesse" needs to be a bumper sticker!

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May 23·edited May 23

I have no idea what “pudendal largesse” is, but I’m forever using this randomly in sentences at family gatherings.

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Both are awful. Ban all bulgy bits I says!!

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"Ironic" is up there with "literally". It's NOT like rain on your wedding day!

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This is fucking fun. Disclaimer: writing from a room I like to think is more Go Fuck Yourself Grey, not douchey. Peeves: small teeth (humans, tiny creature teeth accepted), listings for “luxury apartments” (bs, shit’s a gentrification builder-grade tinderbox), the words artisanal, craft or concept when it comes to food stuffs, the sound of someone aggressively flossing, calling a songwriter’s work “confessional” (reserved mostly for lady-identifying folk), people that litter, crotch-rocket motorbikes, guys who adjust their balls in public, commercials that yell at you, Kohl’s, avocado toast and/or any on trend food, corporate speak like “circle back” but also therapy speak “I understand, but …” (let’s say what we are actually thinking, rage), people who eat octopus or boil live crabs and lobster. Now I need a grilled cheese, soup and a nap 😆

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What about squid?

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I woefully forgot squid 🦑

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Wow what an invitation to vent the spleen!

Peeves

Saying yeah no in the same sentence

US spellchecking

Saying "all goes" well instead of augurs well

Blokes acting blokey

Top 100 guitar player lists

Any list ranking art

Putting sugar packets on my coffee when I always say no sugar

In reviewing these I conclude I'm quite a few chooks short of a hen house.

Maintain the rage ✊

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Having been born in the Upper Midwest, I think the habit of saying "yeah no" or "no yeah" is so deeply embedded during infancy that it's load-bearing at this point.

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As a Libran myself yeah no should be less peevey, in my defence it is levelled at a niche group of fellow Australians who use it in post match interviews.

Keep an eye on that load 🙏

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Same in Aoteroa New Zealand!!! I can't stop it!!

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Only pet peeve that comes to mind (though I'm sure there are more) = inspirational quotes that are literally non-sensical, even if I do appreciate the intention behind them.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.”

(A shot must occur to either hit or miss. It'd be more truthful to say, “If you never shoot, you can't miss.”)

“The best things in life aren't things.”

(To be a *best* thing one must first be a thing.)

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Oh yeah, on the topic of "business speak" – the way design and marketing professionals have started referring to everything as an “experience.” I mean, sure, everything is an experience, but the ones they're referencing – like, clicking from an email into a webpage, or just the damn webpage itself — are pitifully weak examples.

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This one! Yup. Now, I’m just hoping random guys posting with “Yup” isn’t on your pet peeve list. Hmmm…,

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[goes off to reconsider 40 years of wearing Sperry Docksiders]

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