I’m psychedelic. Not on purpose. I’m finally home and the snow is sparkling in the sunrise orange like sherbert. For many weeks straight I was in a New York Habitrail of wake-work-bed-wake-work-bed. There was no time for any other world than that of the musical. I lived in a submarine of an artificial time and place with 25 other people. New York was so warm, spring flowers like snowdrops and Hellebores were emerging in December. It scared me, I can’t lie. It felt like some kind of Wonkaland, complete with the pushy, entitled tourists.
Spirited Away ❤️❤️❤️ The train scene makes me cry every time...such a beautiful and serene scene.
My movie recommendation to you: Snow Cake (super hard to find...but so worth it...it’s my very favourite movie ❄️)
Forest is my escape. My mom died two weeks ago (although my heart aches and I start crying randomly I know she is in a better place now. She just turned 88, she was very tired...she gets to do her favourite thing now (sleep))...Over the weekend I went to scout the perfect place to scatter her ashes. I found a place...a beautiful protective pine tree in a forest reserve close to us. I need to start going there often so I learn the route. We plan to scatter her ashes when the marsh teas begin to bloom in early June ❤️
I know the feeling. Simultaneously overwhelmed by everything and underwhelmed by it all. Depressive stasis. So I took today off work to get caught up. Lots to do on a farm, especially when heading into winter, but I need to control my environment. I spent the morning cleaning and baking bread. Fences, gates, hot wires, etc can ask be checked in the afternoon.
“I know this is not a real problem in the big picture[…]”
I ache when I hear that stuff from a fellow obviously Neurodivergent person. It *is* a real problem, *especially* in the big picture.
You deserve to be able to talk about the things that tax you, without guilt. What you’re describing sounds like Autistic and/or ADHD burnout, both in the way that environmental stressors weigh on you and in the implied cycle where it sounds like you can’t keep up with the household demands of your own sensory needs. That is a real and legitimate mental health struggle, and exactly the kind of Neurodivergent narrative we need to uplift.
If my environment doesn’t look exactly the same 100% the time, I can’t function or focus at all. (Autism trait.) Yet the upkeep it takes to maintain that is either more than I can manage living alone, or else it takes up so much of my operational capacity that I have little energy left for anything else. (ADHD trait.) In this way, my disabilities are in conflict with each other.
But the greater conflict is the societal one, in which people like us are expected to function without the collective communal support that we are evolved to thrive in; the unique gifts we offer “the pack” are offset by unique needs we’re meant to have covered by “the pack” in return. In an equitable society for Neurodiversity, folks like us would have easy access to support toward these needs — and blessings like your music and your writing would be seen as equally valuable, and equally essential to the good of the collective, as that type of material labor.
You’re articulating the struggles of “invisibly” disabled people (even if you don’t yet claim that term), in specifically a capitalist society that isolates and alienates people from each other in order to keep us compliant laborers and reliant on products and services — and this atomization harms Neurodivergent people (and others who uniquely need communal support) disproportionately.
*sigh* That’s my Autistic rant. I love you Neko. Thank you for all that you do. Your struggles are as real as anyone else’s, and your art is a life-saving service to the world.
Spirited Away! Honestly, most if not all Studio Ghibli films are such a balm ! I had an incredibly bad week once and my partner took me to go see Nausicaa in theatres. I was in such a foul mood that I almost cancelled and gave my ticket away, but 5 minutes into the movie I went from feeling sour to completely inspired and elated.
When I feel like you expressed, I try to take a walk, sometimes listening to music, just to get outside and clear my head. Distance doesn't matter. When I am overloaded, I also find it soothing to listen to 80s punk bands...loudly.
My 17-yr-old needed a dressy outfit for a Hannukah party. We were so overwhelmed when we left the awful shop we went to, we listened to Melvins "Stoner Witch" at high volume the entire drive home to purge. It worked.
When I’m anxious and about to ‘loose my shit’--I practice something I call ‘just do one thing’. Complete one simple task, pause and say “ok, just done one more thing”. Before I know it, I’m calm and less anxious. Headphones, a dark room and psychedelic music for escaping. Can’t hardly wait to see you in Bozeman--no drive to Spokane this year! Be well all!
I went to see "The Boy and the Heron" in an iMax theater. That was an amazing experience to see Miyazaki on such a large screen. Here's another interesting 'one take' movie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_(2015_film)
Run outside until you're exhausted. Roll down a hill like a child. Paint a shitty painting. Rewatch Spirited Away. Eat warm soup. Wrap yourself into a tight blanket burrito. Hug animals. Write a song about what's in front of your face right at that moment. Take a hot shower. Take a salt bath. Have a cookie. Breathe in and breathe out again.
How did I miss the news that you’re working on a musical? I wish I had an answer for how I unwind. But I’ve spent the past year working on a single novel with the hope that it will rescue my career after a careless publisher destroyed the best book I’ve ever written and my career in the same shitty move. I haven’t had a single day off--nonstop work on this one thing, on trying to salvage my life. At least it’s almost finished and I like how it’s turning out. I have hope. Your music has been with me through this hard time, so thank you.
My recent go-to escape destination has been revisiting the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. I treat Granny Weatherwax as my own personal foster-fairy godmother, and often enough, I read a line or two that resonates with my/our present-day woes in a way that makes me feel understood and less alone.
Yeah, I can relate to that. I've been trying to organize and get my house together for awhile now, but then there's like this half written book and songs that I may or may not do anything with all kind of swirling around my brain.
Some of my escape strategies besides incessant daydreaming include reading, binge watching a series, asking someone how they are doing, moving my body even if it's just a walk outside, playing with my dogs, finding a body of water to commune with or at least just being outside and listening.
I get it. We had our kitchen remodeled between April and August of last year, and I still have kitchen things in the living room, dining room, and my first floor office. The kitchen is the only place in the house with minimal chaos and that is where I feel calm. I finally rented a small dumpster for all of the flotsam and jetsam. I can't live with clutter chaos; this is the best solution for me. Cleaning one room at a time, one cabinet at a time. Vacuuming volumes of pet hair from my beloved fur friends. And I listen to podcasts and music. Exile on Main Street is long enough to clean my entire fridge and freezer.
"the snow is sparkling in the sunrise orange like sherbert"
I hear you --you're beat as heck and need to get your consciousness temporarily elsewhere.
But you can still write a phrase like this...
I'm grinding through the final week of a (not great) school term, so my next destination is sleep followed by getting out into the desert as much as I am able. Unfortunately, I can't recommend the desert to you since you're up in VT.
Watching Studio Ghibli is always a great way to escape, there's just something so soothing about those films. Personally having my headphones on both of my ears is my form of "escaping", just spending some time with an audio of my choice (movie, show, podcast, audiobook, music - I'm not picky)
I love Miyazki. "Spirited Away" is one of my favorite movies. I watched it again a little over a year ago with my ex. On Friday, I saw "The Boy and the Heron" in the theater. It was MAGICAL. How do I escape? Weed, mostly.
Spirited Away ❤️❤️❤️ The train scene makes me cry every time...such a beautiful and serene scene.
My movie recommendation to you: Snow Cake (super hard to find...but so worth it...it’s my very favourite movie ❄️)
Forest is my escape. My mom died two weeks ago (although my heart aches and I start crying randomly I know she is in a better place now. She just turned 88, she was very tired...she gets to do her favourite thing now (sleep))...Over the weekend I went to scout the perfect place to scatter her ashes. I found a place...a beautiful protective pine tree in a forest reserve close to us. I need to start going there often so I learn the route. We plan to scatter her ashes when the marsh teas begin to bloom in early June ❤️
I know the feeling. Simultaneously overwhelmed by everything and underwhelmed by it all. Depressive stasis. So I took today off work to get caught up. Lots to do on a farm, especially when heading into winter, but I need to control my environment. I spent the morning cleaning and baking bread. Fences, gates, hot wires, etc can ask be checked in the afternoon.
Btw... "Russian Ark" is a beautiful film. I haven't stopped recommending it to people
“I know this is not a real problem in the big picture[…]”
I ache when I hear that stuff from a fellow obviously Neurodivergent person. It *is* a real problem, *especially* in the big picture.
You deserve to be able to talk about the things that tax you, without guilt. What you’re describing sounds like Autistic and/or ADHD burnout, both in the way that environmental stressors weigh on you and in the implied cycle where it sounds like you can’t keep up with the household demands of your own sensory needs. That is a real and legitimate mental health struggle, and exactly the kind of Neurodivergent narrative we need to uplift.
If my environment doesn’t look exactly the same 100% the time, I can’t function or focus at all. (Autism trait.) Yet the upkeep it takes to maintain that is either more than I can manage living alone, or else it takes up so much of my operational capacity that I have little energy left for anything else. (ADHD trait.) In this way, my disabilities are in conflict with each other.
But the greater conflict is the societal one, in which people like us are expected to function without the collective communal support that we are evolved to thrive in; the unique gifts we offer “the pack” are offset by unique needs we’re meant to have covered by “the pack” in return. In an equitable society for Neurodiversity, folks like us would have easy access to support toward these needs — and blessings like your music and your writing would be seen as equally valuable, and equally essential to the good of the collective, as that type of material labor.
You’re articulating the struggles of “invisibly” disabled people (even if you don’t yet claim that term), in specifically a capitalist society that isolates and alienates people from each other in order to keep us compliant laborers and reliant on products and services — and this atomization harms Neurodivergent people (and others who uniquely need communal support) disproportionately.
*sigh* That’s my Autistic rant. I love you Neko. Thank you for all that you do. Your struggles are as real as anyone else’s, and your art is a life-saving service to the world.
Spirited Away! Honestly, most if not all Studio Ghibli films are such a balm ! I had an incredibly bad week once and my partner took me to go see Nausicaa in theatres. I was in such a foul mood that I almost cancelled and gave my ticket away, but 5 minutes into the movie I went from feeling sour to completely inspired and elated.
When I feel like you expressed, I try to take a walk, sometimes listening to music, just to get outside and clear my head. Distance doesn't matter. When I am overloaded, I also find it soothing to listen to 80s punk bands...loudly.
My 17-yr-old needed a dressy outfit for a Hannukah party. We were so overwhelmed when we left the awful shop we went to, we listened to Melvins "Stoner Witch" at high volume the entire drive home to purge. It worked.
When I’m anxious and about to ‘loose my shit’--I practice something I call ‘just do one thing’. Complete one simple task, pause and say “ok, just done one more thing”. Before I know it, I’m calm and less anxious. Headphones, a dark room and psychedelic music for escaping. Can’t hardly wait to see you in Bozeman--no drive to Spokane this year! Be well all!
I went to see "The Boy and the Heron" in an iMax theater. That was an amazing experience to see Miyazaki on such a large screen. Here's another interesting 'one take' movie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_(2015_film)
Run outside until you're exhausted. Roll down a hill like a child. Paint a shitty painting. Rewatch Spirited Away. Eat warm soup. Wrap yourself into a tight blanket burrito. Hug animals. Write a song about what's in front of your face right at that moment. Take a hot shower. Take a salt bath. Have a cookie. Breathe in and breathe out again.
How did I miss the news that you’re working on a musical? I wish I had an answer for how I unwind. But I’ve spent the past year working on a single novel with the hope that it will rescue my career after a careless publisher destroyed the best book I’ve ever written and my career in the same shitty move. I haven’t had a single day off--nonstop work on this one thing, on trying to salvage my life. At least it’s almost finished and I like how it’s turning out. I have hope. Your music has been with me through this hard time, so thank you.
My recent go-to escape destination has been revisiting the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. I treat Granny Weatherwax as my own personal foster-fairy godmother, and often enough, I read a line or two that resonates with my/our present-day woes in a way that makes me feel understood and less alone.
Spirited Away is so good!
Yeah, I can relate to that. I've been trying to organize and get my house together for awhile now, but then there's like this half written book and songs that I may or may not do anything with all kind of swirling around my brain.
Some of my escape strategies besides incessant daydreaming include reading, binge watching a series, asking someone how they are doing, moving my body even if it's just a walk outside, playing with my dogs, finding a body of water to commune with or at least just being outside and listening.
Hike on mossy rocky trails. Sit on rock and stare at lake. Eat plain hard boiled eggs with my sweet dog Lauren. Chocolate. Look for beaver signs.
I get it. We had our kitchen remodeled between April and August of last year, and I still have kitchen things in the living room, dining room, and my first floor office. The kitchen is the only place in the house with minimal chaos and that is where I feel calm. I finally rented a small dumpster for all of the flotsam and jetsam. I can't live with clutter chaos; this is the best solution for me. Cleaning one room at a time, one cabinet at a time. Vacuuming volumes of pet hair from my beloved fur friends. And I listen to podcasts and music. Exile on Main Street is long enough to clean my entire fridge and freezer.
I'm SO excited to see your musical! <3
"the snow is sparkling in the sunrise orange like sherbert"
I hear you --you're beat as heck and need to get your consciousness temporarily elsewhere.
But you can still write a phrase like this...
I'm grinding through the final week of a (not great) school term, so my next destination is sleep followed by getting out into the desert as much as I am able. Unfortunately, I can't recommend the desert to you since you're up in VT.
But damn, you're a gifted writer.
Love (the friendly admiring kind),
Me.
Watching Studio Ghibli is always a great way to escape, there's just something so soothing about those films. Personally having my headphones on both of my ears is my form of "escaping", just spending some time with an audio of my choice (movie, show, podcast, audiobook, music - I'm not picky)
I love Miyazki. "Spirited Away" is one of my favorite movies. I watched it again a little over a year ago with my ex. On Friday, I saw "The Boy and the Heron" in the theater. It was MAGICAL. How do I escape? Weed, mostly.