My last post was about a perfect morning. It really was great! Thirty minutes after I wrote it, I got in my truck to head into town for some tour practice. Funny, it was a little lurchy and didn’t want to go into reverse. I turned it off. When I restarted it it seemed fine. I got it to the bottom of my impossible driveway and about three miles down the road when the high revving whine began. My poor put-upon truck decided it was not going to go over 12 miles an hour. Luckily, I was nearing the top of the hill and the downward momentum convinced it to shift and I could maintain about 33 MPH.
Welcome to the Club Transmission, Neko! Recently had to plop a new one in my 2005 Trailblazer. Not as costly, but provided me plenty of let's just say, internal dry heaving. Seeing as my vehicle also serves as my current home, at least a nice, purring transmission underfoot provides a secure feeling while driving my rolling b & b...
I'm too hard on myself for not in my adult life having found a deep, interpersonal love. A LOTTA unrequited heartbreak and heartache. Sometimes the gal no doubt even knew I existed, the times I had remained unexpressing. Hell of a thing to become long accustomed to. You're not an exclusive member, but ya are a member in probably the biggest club on Earth. But man, what dues...
A surprising personality aspect would be a capacity for tolerance of others. I can be pretty damn hyper critical of some folks. One real world-class moaner and groaner.
My perfect mornings waking in a darn, decent refreshed mood, for a change. Add to that, early horizon orange and red infused clouds.
Probably one of the hardest chasms to cross is to have compassion for yourself... to accept that, yes, you (and by 'you', I mean me and everyone else) is an absolute hot mess and an edge-of-the-cliff disaster waiting to happen whilst simultaneously manifesting as divine light... and to find it possible to love and completely accept all of that... all of who we are. We all really are doing the best that we can.
Sorry about the Transmission! Been there before, twice! One got fixed and the other car given up. (I was not good with car maintenance for years but a little better now..sort of).
Lots to think about in last 2 posts and really enjoying reading them. Just thinking about what makes me feel alive makes me feel more alive. Even enjoying this Boston area Wintry mix weather and parking problems! Feeling most alive now when walking in high hilly streets that overlook the town and even a view of Boston in distance. What surprised me about myself is a long story...a super calm kid dealing with some big issues turning into a woman who occasionally had outbursts! Getting it under control now, though definitely need good sleep to do that. Good luck with Truck issues!
I recognize the symptoms from within myself. You don't sweat the small stuff as it unfolds, but you go berserk when the small stuff goes wrong. You don't like doing that, so you stuff it and then when the explosion finally comes, you wonder why you can't control it. Oh, the bill will probably be more because...they didn't add in the tax. There's other stuff that has to be fixed too. It will take longer, parts will be unobtainable, it will blow up on the lift, people will be crippled and die and IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT! This is one of the places where the Serenity Prayer works. I don't know if the universe or God or anything else responds, but it buys you a few seconds to reflect and find a different perspective. Screaming does help, but only where it won't scare anyone...
Oh yeah… I, too, am the calm one who facilitates, negotiates, and tries to keep the peace. Yet, I have so many triggers that slow burn inside and boil over revealing my inner monster. And then…regret and second guessing. I’m a work in progress and progress is slow, but time is traveling faster.
I feel like since/during/ now(?) the pandemic and the years of everything being precarious I’ve gotten more used to the roller coaster ride of it all. Nothing is really ever stable it seems, except uncertainty dotted with some constants; sunrise, sunset, squirrels waiting for me to bring the peanuts out. On the bright side; your new transmission is STILL cheaper than a new car!
I'm also the calm one in a major crisis. I direct anyone in the vicinity to do this or that and get the situation out of emergency mode. (Then I step away and try not to have a full-on anxiety attack in the aftermath.) But leave something greasy on my new white kitchen countertop? That's an emergency I freak out about.
And I don't take advantage of my green spaces enough, thanks for the nudge (even if it's raining).
I’m hard on myself for not being able to anticipate (and therefore be able to resolve or fix quickly) any possible thing that goes awry. It’s a control freak habit that’s led to a lot of unnecessary anxiety, and that I work in all the time—lifelong work, really
Next time you’re in NYC, pay a visit to Valentino Park/pier and then to the waterfront garden park just south of it. Both parks overlook NY harbor and the Atlantic, and walking to them has saved my sanity on many occasions. It’s also the best view of the Statue of Liberty and NY harbor unless you’re on a boat on the water. Sunsets there are incredible. One of New York’s hidden gems.
A perfect morning involves a cup of coffee, a meditation, a walk, and time by a body of water, preferably the ocean. 🌊 💙💙💙
Would you accept an UPcycled article of clothing I wanted to give you at Kent Stage today? I read about the fire at your house— wanted you to have something nice to be cozy and cool in. Fangirling pretty hard. Long time fan!!! First time being able to see you live. https://www.kerririckard.com/product/plaid-dreams-fatal-beauty-series
I gave it to someone on the tour bus!! Hope you like it!!!
I definitely am the same way (although I freak out less about sponges now that I’m on brain medication tbh) and for me it’s rooted in a rough childhood where I was trained to be the “responsible one” looking after my parents. There was nobody to deal with a crisis except me, the child! So when the poop hit the fan I would get my rush of adrenaline and calmly sort everything out to make sure everyone had what they needed! This might be why I got a PhD in disasters…
Welcome to the Club Transmission, Neko! Recently had to plop a new one in my 2005 Trailblazer. Not as costly, but provided me plenty of let's just say, internal dry heaving. Seeing as my vehicle also serves as my current home, at least a nice, purring transmission underfoot provides a secure feeling while driving my rolling b & b...
I'm too hard on myself for not in my adult life having found a deep, interpersonal love. A LOTTA unrequited heartbreak and heartache. Sometimes the gal no doubt even knew I existed, the times I had remained unexpressing. Hell of a thing to become long accustomed to. You're not an exclusive member, but ya are a member in probably the biggest club on Earth. But man, what dues...
A surprising personality aspect would be a capacity for tolerance of others. I can be pretty damn hyper critical of some folks. One real world-class moaner and groaner.
My perfect mornings waking in a darn, decent refreshed mood, for a change. Add to that, early horizon orange and red infused clouds.
Yeah. That kid and that monster also reside within me and fuck do they show up when least called for. Sorry about your truck, Neko. That really bites.
Probably one of the hardest chasms to cross is to have compassion for yourself... to accept that, yes, you (and by 'you', I mean me and everyone else) is an absolute hot mess and an edge-of-the-cliff disaster waiting to happen whilst simultaneously manifesting as divine light... and to find it possible to love and completely accept all of that... all of who we are. We all really are doing the best that we can.
Sorry about the Transmission! Been there before, twice! One got fixed and the other car given up. (I was not good with car maintenance for years but a little better now..sort of).
Lots to think about in last 2 posts and really enjoying reading them. Just thinking about what makes me feel alive makes me feel more alive. Even enjoying this Boston area Wintry mix weather and parking problems! Feeling most alive now when walking in high hilly streets that overlook the town and even a view of Boston in distance. What surprised me about myself is a long story...a super calm kid dealing with some big issues turning into a woman who occasionally had outbursts! Getting it under control now, though definitely need good sleep to do that. Good luck with Truck issues!
I recognize the symptoms from within myself. You don't sweat the small stuff as it unfolds, but you go berserk when the small stuff goes wrong. You don't like doing that, so you stuff it and then when the explosion finally comes, you wonder why you can't control it. Oh, the bill will probably be more because...they didn't add in the tax. There's other stuff that has to be fixed too. It will take longer, parts will be unobtainable, it will blow up on the lift, people will be crippled and die and IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT! This is one of the places where the Serenity Prayer works. I don't know if the universe or God or anything else responds, but it buys you a few seconds to reflect and find a different perspective. Screaming does help, but only where it won't scare anyone...
Unless you love that truck, get a new one or a good used one. $**%) is waaaaaay to much for the transmission.
Oh yeah… I, too, am the calm one who facilitates, negotiates, and tries to keep the peace. Yet, I have so many triggers that slow burn inside and boil over revealing my inner monster. And then…regret and second guessing. I’m a work in progress and progress is slow, but time is traveling faster.
Good in a crisis but melting down over random little things is an ADHD thing, Neko!
Neko, consider visiting Cuyahoga Valley National Park when you are playing Kent Ohio Thursday! It is only a couple miles away and quite beautiful.
I feel like since/during/ now(?) the pandemic and the years of everything being precarious I’ve gotten more used to the roller coaster ride of it all. Nothing is really ever stable it seems, except uncertainty dotted with some constants; sunrise, sunset, squirrels waiting for me to bring the peanuts out. On the bright side; your new transmission is STILL cheaper than a new car!
I'm also the calm one in a major crisis. I direct anyone in the vicinity to do this or that and get the situation out of emergency mode. (Then I step away and try not to have a full-on anxiety attack in the aftermath.) But leave something greasy on my new white kitchen countertop? That's an emergency I freak out about.
And I don't take advantage of my green spaces enough, thanks for the nudge (even if it's raining).
Too hard on myself about relaxing. Brain says: There is no relaxing, only work. You are work-shark. Stop working and you will die.
I’m hard on myself for not being able to anticipate (and therefore be able to resolve or fix quickly) any possible thing that goes awry. It’s a control freak habit that’s led to a lot of unnecessary anxiety, and that I work in all the time—lifelong work, really
Next time you’re in NYC, pay a visit to Valentino Park/pier and then to the waterfront garden park just south of it. Both parks overlook NY harbor and the Atlantic, and walking to them has saved my sanity on many occasions. It’s also the best view of the Statue of Liberty and NY harbor unless you’re on a boat on the water. Sunsets there are incredible. One of New York’s hidden gems.
A perfect morning involves a cup of coffee, a meditation, a walk, and time by a body of water, preferably the ocean. 🌊 💙💙💙
Would you accept an UPcycled article of clothing I wanted to give you at Kent Stage today? I read about the fire at your house— wanted you to have something nice to be cozy and cool in. Fangirling pretty hard. Long time fan!!! First time being able to see you live. https://www.kerririckard.com/product/plaid-dreams-fatal-beauty-series
I gave it to someone on the tour bus!! Hope you like it!!!
Funny about those ice shards...I just looked at a close up photo of Sun’s surface 30 minutes ago and the texture was weirdly similar!
Sorry about your truck 😫
I definitely am the same way (although I freak out less about sponges now that I’m on brain medication tbh) and for me it’s rooted in a rough childhood where I was trained to be the “responsible one” looking after my parents. There was nobody to deal with a crisis except me, the child! So when the poop hit the fan I would get my rush of adrenaline and calmly sort everything out to make sure everyone had what they needed! This might be why I got a PhD in disasters…