Gosh, your writing always just finds my heart. Dealing with some rough situational depression myself after losing the best romance I've ever been a part of, and the fear and danger of being "too much" -- too enthusiastic, too effusive and excited to get to know people -- has definitely been rearing its head a bunch as I "get back out there." Nice to know I have that in common with one of my favorite musicians, at least.
To your point about being strong, my friend Änna said to me "it's great to have that quality, but you shouldn't always have to be," and that really resonated. Here's to finding a places/times/people that allow folks to be soft for a moment.
Saw you last night in Northampton and it was a joy. Your voice just filled that whole space. It was a wonder to see you just stand at the mic and sing your heart out. Thank you. Also, my offer to come eat sandwiches with you and the band still stands.
Coming to see you tomorrow night, and looking forward to it so much. Reading this, I'm feeling for you so much. You seem to easily put into words things I feel so often. Anyway, just this - it's hard to be you. It'd hard to be me. It's hard for everyone sometimes. Tomorrow you will sing, and I will listen, and for me - for a while, my life will be less hard and more beautiful. So thank you in advance for that.
The Portland, ME show was glorious and just what I needed to get me over a hump I’ve been in. As a mom of a 3 year old, I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit… that and the impending darkness of winter/seasonal depression we all feel. Deepest of gratitude for keeping on!
I felt this one stronger than ever. As a 60-year-old diagnosed ADD/ADHD in kindergarten, sometimes I feel after all these years that surely I've got it aaaallll figured out; how to deal with it, buuuuuut...NOPE!
I hope you can find home soon.
I find such comfort and solace, but also, an outlet for my, perhaps what some may say, *unhealthy* anger, hate, and rage, in your music, that sometimes I don't even know what to do with my feelings.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been really struggling lately being a sole caregiver, away from my husband and cats. Reading this and knowing I’m not alone feels like a breath of fresh air.
i love that you admit that even our amazing jobs playing music aren't enough to keep the black dog at bay. i felt that one. sending amazing delicious virtual tacos from san antonio.
Just chiming in sending love and warmth. Your music has been getting me through dark shit incl. masking trauma for years. Fucking relatable. Bless. Wishing you all the best. <3
Thank you for sharing this! We love you for who you are. All of you and all of your real humanness…and glorious skeleton pants! Your Northampton show was such a gift and I’m grateful to have been there on what was a pretty tough night for me. Thank you for showing up for us even when you feel how you do. You sure turned my week around. Thank you for that. Being a human is f*cking hard. I hope you can feel or at least see/hear us loving you. Your music has gotten me through some shit and is a common soundtrack to our lives. My 5-year-old adores you and asks for you by name. She can always identify your songs in a mix and has been able to since she was 3. You touch so many people, Neko. I hope the depression eases soon and you are able to find some comfort and rest. You’re a treasure in all your forms.
I have been to this place so many times and have never gone to the bathroom—I usually do everything I can to avoid bathrooms at concerts… But I finally went at Neko’s show last night and I have never seen such a stunning bathroom at a venue! That arched brick is to die for! And now seeing this beautiful staircase? Just wow.
the bathroom at the music hall in portsmouth nh is "chef's kiss". LOL. I went to school in the valley but have never seen the bathroom at the academy...must make my way back...a homecoming of sorts.
that bathroom at the portsmouth music hall is crazy cool! good thing it wasn't like that back in my phish days (early 90s). I might not have ever been able to escape!
I am still reeling from your show in NoHo last night!
Maintaining the mask is exhausting and it’s also OK if you’re not able to put it aside on tour. Being aware of not being present is a whole other level of presence if you ask me.
We are all One, (ask Imaad) and I felt you there last night.
Vent away! I admire you for finding beauty in spite of the depression. Your discouragement is justified. I'm sorry. I just wish that you'd let your fans help out with rebuilding your home. I'm sure there's a shrewd contractor out there that can take the helm.
How strange it is that we're "allowed" to show unbridled enthusiasm about certain matters and things but not others.
At age 53, far outside my regular profession, I'm taking an ornithology course at a local community college because I've come to love birds so much over the last four-plus years that I needed somewhere to put and share that love and my interest in protecting them. And now I've found that place. Well, a few students are only in the class to satisfy a course requirement, and I'm the oldest in the class by far (outside of the instructor), but mostly I'm in good bird-nerd company and none of us is shy about showing it! It feels good.
And yet, still at age 53, gahd forbid would I ever get too excited over a band!
Except: Not long ago you wrote broadly and well about menopause and all the really messed up things about it - much of "it" guided for too long by bad information or no information at all. But I'll say one thing that's an absolute boon for me going through menopause is this sudden confidence to care more about what I really care about and give less a shit about what doesn't matter: like what strangers or the cool kids think of my unbridled enthusiasm. Just bam. It's so liberating!
Do you ever feel these flights interspersed with the darker days? When I read your writing, it sure seems like you do because you don't just notice what's around you, you really see it and seem to tenderly embrace it. Then you give it color and shape and a name. Even inanimate objects touched by your noticing benefit, I'd say.
Anyhow, I/we think you are a gift to this world. Thanks for sharing the light and the dark days with us.
Gosh, your writing always just finds my heart. Dealing with some rough situational depression myself after losing the best romance I've ever been a part of, and the fear and danger of being "too much" -- too enthusiastic, too effusive and excited to get to know people -- has definitely been rearing its head a bunch as I "get back out there." Nice to know I have that in common with one of my favorite musicians, at least.
To your point about being strong, my friend Änna said to me "it's great to have that quality, but you shouldn't always have to be," and that really resonated. Here's to finding a places/times/people that allow folks to be soft for a moment.
Saw you last night in Northampton and it was a joy. Your voice just filled that whole space. It was a wonder to see you just stand at the mic and sing your heart out. Thank you. Also, my offer to come eat sandwiches with you and the band still stands.
Coming to see you tomorrow night, and looking forward to it so much. Reading this, I'm feeling for you so much. You seem to easily put into words things I feel so often. Anyway, just this - it's hard to be you. It'd hard to be me. It's hard for everyone sometimes. Tomorrow you will sing, and I will listen, and for me - for a while, my life will be less hard and more beautiful. So thank you in advance for that.
The Portland, ME show was glorious and just what I needed to get me over a hump I’ve been in. As a mom of a 3 year old, I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit… that and the impending darkness of winter/seasonal depression we all feel. Deepest of gratitude for keeping on!
I felt this one stronger than ever. As a 60-year-old diagnosed ADD/ADHD in kindergarten, sometimes I feel after all these years that surely I've got it aaaallll figured out; how to deal with it, buuuuuut...NOPE!
I hope you can find home soon.
I find such comfort and solace, but also, an outlet for my, perhaps what some may say, *unhealthy* anger, hate, and rage, in your music, that sometimes I don't even know what to do with my feelings.
Please don't stop just being you.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been really struggling lately being a sole caregiver, away from my husband and cats. Reading this and knowing I’m not alone feels like a breath of fresh air.
Xox
You managed to put into words some things I never could. Thank you for sharing about your own struggles Neko, you're not alone. We're not alone.
i love that you admit that even our amazing jobs playing music aren't enough to keep the black dog at bay. i felt that one. sending amazing delicious virtual tacos from san antonio.
Just chiming in sending love and warmth. Your music has been getting me through dark shit incl. masking trauma for years. Fucking relatable. Bless. Wishing you all the best. <3
This may be the most relatable thing I have ever read.
Thank you for sharing this! We love you for who you are. All of you and all of your real humanness…and glorious skeleton pants! Your Northampton show was such a gift and I’m grateful to have been there on what was a pretty tough night for me. Thank you for showing up for us even when you feel how you do. You sure turned my week around. Thank you for that. Being a human is f*cking hard. I hope you can feel or at least see/hear us loving you. Your music has gotten me through some shit and is a common soundtrack to our lives. My 5-year-old adores you and asks for you by name. She can always identify your songs in a mix and has been able to since she was 3. You touch so many people, Neko. I hope the depression eases soon and you are able to find some comfort and rest. You’re a treasure in all your forms.
The Academy of Music in Center Hamp is a gem. Thanks for sharing a photo of a staircase I’ve never seen before!
I have been to this place so many times and have never gone to the bathroom—I usually do everything I can to avoid bathrooms at concerts… But I finally went at Neko’s show last night and I have never seen such a stunning bathroom at a venue! That arched brick is to die for! And now seeing this beautiful staircase? Just wow.
the bathroom at the music hall in portsmouth nh is "chef's kiss". LOL. I went to school in the valley but have never seen the bathroom at the academy...must make my way back...a homecoming of sorts.
that bathroom at the portsmouth music hall is crazy cool! good thing it wasn't like that back in my phish days (early 90s). I might not have ever been able to escape!
Hi Neko.
Words of reply swirl around in my mind, dismissed then reconsidered.
The simplest reply is the shortest, you are loved and respected by us, and may that be a small gift in return.
Chris (Grandpa)
I am still reeling from your show in NoHo last night!
Maintaining the mask is exhausting and it’s also OK if you’re not able to put it aside on tour. Being aware of not being present is a whole other level of presence if you ask me.
We are all One, (ask Imaad) and I felt you there last night.
Vent away! I admire you for finding beauty in spite of the depression. Your discouragement is justified. I'm sorry. I just wish that you'd let your fans help out with rebuilding your home. I'm sure there's a shrewd contractor out there that can take the helm.
As always, your music is a balm to us. Thank you!
How strange it is that we're "allowed" to show unbridled enthusiasm about certain matters and things but not others.
At age 53, far outside my regular profession, I'm taking an ornithology course at a local community college because I've come to love birds so much over the last four-plus years that I needed somewhere to put and share that love and my interest in protecting them. And now I've found that place. Well, a few students are only in the class to satisfy a course requirement, and I'm the oldest in the class by far (outside of the instructor), but mostly I'm in good bird-nerd company and none of us is shy about showing it! It feels good.
And yet, still at age 53, gahd forbid would I ever get too excited over a band!
Except: Not long ago you wrote broadly and well about menopause and all the really messed up things about it - much of "it" guided for too long by bad information or no information at all. But I'll say one thing that's an absolute boon for me going through menopause is this sudden confidence to care more about what I really care about and give less a shit about what doesn't matter: like what strangers or the cool kids think of my unbridled enthusiasm. Just bam. It's so liberating!
Do you ever feel these flights interspersed with the darker days? When I read your writing, it sure seems like you do because you don't just notice what's around you, you really see it and seem to tenderly embrace it. Then you give it color and shape and a name. Even inanimate objects touched by your noticing benefit, I'd say.
Anyhow, I/we think you are a gift to this world. Thanks for sharing the light and the dark days with us.